


Where Is My Reflection [Hiatus]

by Faded_for_Her



Series: Where Is My Reflection [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Almost everything has a reason, Also there are spirits, Also this is basically a self-insert with some details changed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bi Alistair, But there are a lot of mages and magic things, Canon-Typical Violence, Circle Mage Origin, City Elf Origin, Dalish Origin, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Human Noble Origin, I have a lot of plans for the future, Inquisition and Trespasser spoilers, M/M, Mentally Ill protagonist, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multiple Wardens, Pre-Blight, Soooo if you like magic, Southern Thedas is a matriarchy, They won't all be introduced at once bc that would be killer, This is going to be long, Trying not to be toooo cliche, bc it's more than video game (for Ellana) so things will change here and there, some relationships may change but Ellana/Morrigan is for sure happening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faded_for_Her/pseuds/Faded_for_Her
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a ride home doesn't go quite as planned, a Dragon Age-loving college student finds herself waking up in the Brecilian forest. But she quickly learns that that's not even the weirdest part.  </p><p>Basically this story is a Modern Girl In Thedas that starts pre-blight and will run until Trespasser at least.</p><p>[Currently rewriting the beginning bc I'm unhappy with it, but I have not given up on this in the least]</p><p>My tumblr side blog for this story is @faded--for-her. I post updates, WIMR (head)canon, and general Dragon Age stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tel'na Revas: Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> 09/08/2017: Okay, so I'm rewriting the beginning chapters of this work right now so it's on a sort of semi-hiatus. I'm so sorry guys. I'm just not really happy with where I started. I started writing this mostly on a whim, a year ago, because I got a sudden bought of inspiration and it was a story I wanted to write for a long time (bc I'm obsessed with Dragon Age. I've basically accepted that it's my life now). I feel like I didn't think it through enough in the beginning because I just wanted to get to writing, so I'm ironing out things now before I go too far to change it. 
> 
> I'm also starting study abroad in a week, and I have depression, so like...updates will be slow, and I apologize for this in advance. I love every single person that has commented or given kudos or bookmarked, and I appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my story. I'm not giving up on this story, I promise that. I have too much invested in it to stop, but it will be slow going for a while until I can get back up to speed (and get out of this depressive episode of being able to do anything lol). But I will get there! And this will get updated! I'm in this for the long run, so if you want to stick with this story, thank you so much!!! I will do my best to deliver :D (I realize that was a lot of words. I am a wordy person. Oops)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfiction in quite a long time, but I've had this idea in my brain for a while and I'm really excited to finally be writing it down. Comments and Kudos are both greatly appreciated! I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Edit 6/29/2017: The twelve chapters that are currently uploaded have all been updated to change the tone of the story, and to change some details that had been bugging me. I think the story will be all the better for it.

I'd been on the bus, headed home from classes. The windows had fogged up during the recent rain, leaving the world beyond dark and green. Gentle music filtered in through my headphones, one side louder than the other as a result of constant use.

My thoughts had wandered; it would be quite a while before my stop. The end of the line. I liked to take the time to imagine what could be lurking in the imposing forest that formed a barrier against the highway.

It was at least as interesting as watching the people on the bus, something I’d done before we'd made our turn off the less busy roads. I'd quickly grown irritated by the child shrieking a few rows back. Even turning up the volume didn't quite drown out that particular joy. Ignoring that, the old couple holding hands near the front and the girl with rainbow hair a row over had both lost my interest. There just weren't many people that day.

We'd stopped along the route a few minutes back and the previously empty seat beside me had been filled. It made me uncomfortable. I’d unconsciously leaned toward the window, away from the man. Well, I assumed it was a man, I hadn't even looked up when they'd sat down. That's how it went, too considerate to block the seat with my bag, but too reserved to acknowledge the company. It didn't help that so many seats around me had yet to be filled. I'd just assumed people would have the common sense to sit elsewhere.

In my mind the bus was an in-between place, a place where people weren't quite themselves. It was a place of contemplation and avoidance. Though perhaps silly, it didn't stop me from avoiding eye contact with the other riders.

I enjoyed my privacy, just as much as I enjoyed spinning my tales of the beast in the woods, watching the passing cars from the shadows.

I continued to lean away, but soon lost interest, or perhaps irritation, in the person beside me. It wasn't until the bus came up to its exit that my attention was pulled back.

I wasn't quite sure what happened. Perhaps the bus driver was having an off-day; there'd been a car coming from the opposite direction as they turned off the off-ramp, or at least that was what I assumed when he slammed on the brakes. I was jostled in my seat, and reached for the bar to my left that separated my seat from the adjacent one.

In that one second I felt the warmth of my neighbor's hand just before a hundred sounds and colors overwhelmed my senses. Images danced across my vision and voices whispered in my ears.

Ellana, the litany of voices cried out. Some had faces, some I couldn't see.

I was too disoriented to listen to the quietest voice, my own voice, telling me not to listen. _This is wrong._

But the voices were persistent and I ceased to hear the child throwing the tantrum, ceased to see the drops of rain lingering on the window pane. Everything had disappeared in an instant, replaced by the nameless people.

My vision blurred and adjusted as some of the faces vanished. Those that were left began to solidify until I was left staring up at only three, and suddenly they became real.

I shook my head to clear my mind; it was disoriented and hazy, but this brought about a reaction in the confusing apparition before me.

"Da'len, can you hear me?"  

My mind was screaming now. _Da'len?_

The woman was older, grey-haired, and the sense of deja vu that washed over me at the sight nearly threatened to take over. But it was the pointed ears that stood out. The pointed ears and the decorated face.

_Where am I?_

* * *

My question was soon answered for me.

“Tamlen, hand me your waterskin,” the woman instructed the man to her left. His sandy hair was familiar, but the name was what caught my attention.

It was then that I realized what this must be. I’d fallen asleep. Stupid. I needed to wake up before I missed my stop.

I tried to will myself awake, that usually worked, with nightmares at least. It was disappointing as this promised to be interesting, but the embarrassment of falling asleep in public was enough to make my decision.

I tried, to remember my consciousness, as it were. I was sitting on the bus, probably leaning against the window. I pulled at the memory, but it felt strange. I could see the colors clearly. There was no dreaming haze. Something was wrong.

Sure, I could tell when I was dreaming, but I could never form it in words. It wasn’t possible for me to truly remember what being awake was like while asleep. 

My rising confusion was stopped for a moment as the woman moved closer to me and tipped the procured waterskin to my lips.

The water washed away the mothballs in my mouth, and my brain snapped to attention. It was _cold._ It took my thoughts a second to catch up, as I shut out whatever the people around me were saying.

This wasn’t a dream.

But how was it not a dream?

“You are safe, we mean you no harm da’len.” The woman’s soothing voice broke through my focus.

 _“Keeper, are you sure she isn’t injured?”_ the man on her right asked; there was something oddly melodic about his words.

_“She is in shock. That is all. Give her a few moments.”_

This seemed to quiet him, for the moment. He and the other man left my field of vision, I assumed to go and speak out of ear-shot.

The woman, keeper Marethari, if I were to guess, remained by my side.

I tried to open my mouth and say something, but stopped myself. What would I even say? Where the hell was I? There was no way I could possibly be in Thedas. That didn’t make any sense. I’d been on the bus. The perfectly ordinary, mundane bus.

The sinking feeling in my stomach was quickly growing. I tried not to focus on it. Focus on the good. I’d always wanted to be here, to meet the people of my favorite stories, but this was too much. I couldn’t comprehend this. Keeper Marethari and Tamlen weren’t real. This wasn’t possible.

How could the woman kneeling in front of me be Marethari?

For a moment I was torn between questioning and humoring myself. So say I was here, in Thedas, in the middle of some forest. Why would I be here? What would the Dalish expect of a random human in their woods? Were we in the Brecilian or the Wilds, or some other place I’d never heard of?

Somehow this line of questioning calmed my racing thoughts. If I could just figure out where I was, maybe it would give me a clue as to what the hell was going on. And if I just happened to wake up from a crazy dream afterwards, all the better.

“Where are we?” I asked finally. We were in a wooded area; I could tell that much. I’d been laying in the undergrowth perched against a tree when they’d found me. It explained the aching in my back. This fact, however, did not help when my knowledge of Thedas geography was limited to the graphics of a TV screen.

“South of Dragon’s Peak, in the Brecilian,” she replied. Then her brows furrowed. “You are not from Denerim, are you?”

I was slightly shocked by the tone, not quite distrusting, but sharper than I would’ve expected.

Was I supposed to have an answer for her? I wasn’t even quite sure what she meant.

“Your clothing,” she supplied at my confused look.

 _Oh shit._ I was still wearing my flannel and jeans, wasn’t I. Not very Thedas-appropriate. I looked down to assess the state of them only to start in surprise.

I was indeed _not_ wearing a flannel, nor was I wearing jeans and sneakers. 

Instead, I was in a dress, or at least a long tunic, with an intricately embroidered hemline about the neck depicting an array of silver stars, suns, and moons. The soft royal blue fabric of the skirt had pooled around my waist, and beneath it I was wearing long dark leggings that disappeared into a pair of well-worn leather boots dyed black. On either side of my breastbone were two embossed clasps that connected to what looked to be a cloak of grey and silver thread.

_What the actual hell._

“These aren’t mine…” I barely registered it as I said it aloud. Had I passed out? What was going on; when had someone changed me? Had I changed myself? _What the fuck._

“If they are not yours, then to whom do they belong?”

My head snapped up at Marethari’s question. “What?”

Her brow furrowed, and she looked worried. “Are you having a hard time understanding me, da’len?”

I shook my head. “No, I…” I was just going to have to make something up, wasn’t I? “These clothes aren’t mine, a friend let me borrow them. I was…escaping.” The clothes were seriously well-made. I would venture to guess were nicer than what one would see on a normal human.

Marethari seemed to accept it, surprisingly. She nodded in acknowledgement, but her expression had become impassive once more. “You are a long way from home, I take it?”

I nodded. “Yes, I am.” She didn’t know the half of it. “I was headed to Denerim with my friend’s caravan when we were ambushed…by templars,” I said it without thinking; it was amazing what my brain came up with in a panic. _Templars. Great going. Why templars?_ I wasn’t even sure if I had magic or not.

“And what would templars want with your friend’s goods?” Marethari asked with a raised brow. _You are right to question this complete bullshit. Fuck._

“A smuggled apostate, I would imagine. We picked one up not far from Lake Calenhad. He was an old friend of the caravan leader, or so I was made to believe.” Surely this all sounded contrived, but I was stuck with the story. I couldn’t think of a better one now.

However, the keeper seemed to buy it. Maybe Varric was right and spinning a story was the best way to go. I could’ve just gone with amnesia, but without a green glowing mark on my hand or obvious forced head trauma that seemed _incredibly_ unlikely. Man did the Inquisitor get it easy.

Thankfully, that was all I had to say, as the two hunters took that moment to reappear in our little clearing.

Now that I had come more to my senses I took them in. Tamlen was very much what I’d expected. His skin was a fraction darker than his sandy blond hair, and his eyes had a permanent mischievous glint to them. Like he’d gotten away with something, and you just didn’t know it yet.

The other man was one I didn’t recognize. He was darker in coloring, and his hair was pulled back in a braid, or multiple braids, I couldn’t tell from this angle. His silvery vallaslin stood out starkly against his dark complexion, but I had no idea which deity they were meant to represent. They looked different than Tamlen’s at least and they bore only a fleeting resemblance to those I’d seen in Origins. Perhaps closer to that of the Inquisition, but definitely not the same.

It was strange seeing them. The three elves. There was an element of the familiar, and yet. They were people. _Real_ people. Just as real as me. I could smell them, the scent of sweat and leather and less pleasant things alongside the smell of the forest; I could see that they must’ve been in the shade of the trees for some time by the pallor of their skin; I could hear their breath and see their chests rise and fall. It was beyond surreal.

And they could see that I was staring at them. The not-Tamlen-man wasn’t the least bit troubled to point it out, “You may continue speaking. We do not bite.”

Tamlen smiled at that and added the “Usually” I’d expect from a clichéd movie. That couldn’t possibly be an expression here. How could I even understand what they were saying? Surely they didn’t use twenty-first century English in Ferelden.

I kept staring as my mind ran in circles before I finally asked, “Who _are_ you?” I would’ve laughed at myself for the way it came out if I wasn’t sure that it would make them think I’d lost my mind.

“We could ask you the same, but for now, I am Theron, and this is Tamlen.” He gestured to the man beside him, and suddenly it clicked.

I was talking to the possible future Hero of Ferelden.

And a dead man.

For a second I had the burning urge to ask the year. _Was it 9:30? Did they still have time? What if Tamlen could be saved?_ But I quickly corrected myself, if I were to ask the year it would blow my cover quicker than anything else could.

“Well since he didn’t ask, I will. What’s your name?” Tamlen piped up after a moment.

“Ellana,” I said it without a thought, even though there was no way in hell I was Lavellan. It was the first thing I’d heard before being pulled here. Surely it wasn’t too uncommon a name. “But you can call me Lana.” Elizabeth wasn’t exactly an Elven name anyway.

“Well since we’ve all been introduced, perhaps you would be kind and help our new friend up. We must head back to camp and tell the clan of the news. I’m sure Merrill will be pleased to meet another mage her age,” the keeper said calmly before rising from her position beside me.

“What?” I was shocked. Another mage? I hadn’t shown any ability. How was it even possible that I was a mage when I came from a world without the Fade?

Marethari smiled knowingly. “You did not think I bought your apostate story. Your magic is clear enough, da’len.” 

I was relieved that my shock was not interpreted as it had been meant. If Marethari wished to make assumptions that gave me credibility, I wasn’t going to protest.

Then I thought for a minute. Marethari could feel my magic? Perhaps I could do the same in reverse. It wasn’t as if I’d had time or the notion to try.

I took a moment to concentrate and sure enough, that’s when I felt it.

It started as a soft tugging somewhere in my chest that spread out and became a thrumming just under my skin. But accompanying the sensation was a soft whispering song. It was almost too quiet to hear, but it was achingly beautiful. I tried to listen harder, but it frustratingly stayed almost beyond my hearing. It was coming directly from the keeper, or more accurately, from her aura. It had been there the whole time, somewhere in the back of my mind, but calling attention to it made it blatantly obvious.

I could _feel_ it. I tried to reach out to Theron and Tamlen, but the song quieted when I moved away from Marethari. They weren’t mages; I was almost certain.

“I see,” was all I could manage as I was caught up in awe of this new sense. It didn’t feel unnatural. Somehow it felt like something I’d always been missing but had just remembered.

I barely noticed as Theron approached me and reached out his hand. It took me a moment before I looked up and accepted it, getting to my feet.

I nearly fell over as soon as he took a step back. My legs were numb as if I hadn’t stood in ages, and I stumbled forward into him. Thankfully, he was prepared to catch me and so I was saved from winding up face flat in the undergrowth.

Both my hands and my legs were shaking, something he noticed almost immediately. “Just how long have you been here?” Then he looked around as if to assure himself. “I’ve seen no trace of any recent fire, when was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, but if the dizziness in my head were any indication, I’d been there for quite some time.

“Just one more reason to get back to camp,” Tamlen commented helpfully.

I nodded and for a moment I wasn’t concerned about exactly what that meant for my situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."


	2. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Two

We were greeted by an eager young elf when we reached the camp, a scout I assumed, with some kind of message. Marethari left with him after pulling Theron aside for a moment to speak.

After the keeper was gone, Theron and Tamlen guided me to an aravel not far from the entrance. The camp passed by in a blur and I had to wonder if I’d somehow wound up with a concussion. Aside from all of this probably being one jacked up hallucination, I felt incredibly disoriented.

Laying down on the cot felt like a blessing. It took me longer than I would’ve liked to admit to realize that Tamlen had left, and it was now only Theron and I.

He was quiet, sitting across from me but not looking at me, and so I laid quietly with my thoughts on the cot they’d given me.

I hadn’t seen very many people when we arrived, but we had passed by a few clan members. Each time I saw the pointed ears and brightly colored faces, I found myself staring. Honestly though, it was mostly the ears. The ears looked so natural, definitely not just glued on prosthetics for costuming, yet it was beyond bizarre seeing them. They were elves, real, live elves. They were elves, and they weren’t even hostile towards me.

Why weren’t they hostile towards me?

It was such a delayed reaction that I stilled for a moment as my thoughts halted in their tracks.

Not a one of them had been hostile towards me. Marethari had called me _da’len_. They’d readily brought me to their camp.

That really could only mean one thing couldn’t it?

I didn’t move at first, but then I reached a hand up to brush against my ear. I expected them to feel as they always did, small and rounded. Human.

I shouldn’t have been as surprised when I touched pointed tips, but I was. My eyes widened and a gasp escaped past my lips.

It caught Theron’s attention, and he looked to me sharply. “Are you in pain?” In his eyes I saw genuine concern.

“No…I was just…” I wasn’t sure what to say, I was still caught up in my revelation. I took a deep breath. “I was just thinking.”

He raised an eyebrow curiously, but he didn’t question me.

“Tamlen should be back in a minute with dinner,” he commented, as if he wasn’t really sure how to respond.

I nodded without saying anything, and we slipped back into an uncomfortable silence as we waited. A silence only interrupted by my chaotic thoughts.

Everything that had happened within the past hour still felt so unreal even though the physical reality was impossible to ignore. I’d been fueled by confusion and adrenaline, but now that I was laying down my fatigue was starting to catch up to me. I could barely keep my eyes open.

My mind was just drifting off as a loud sound from the entrance shook me back to wakefulness.

A whole new wave of confusion washed over me as I opened my eyes, but I gained my bearings quickly and accepted the bowl of stew offered to me as Tamlen sat down beside me.

I didn’t take a bite for a few moments, but Tamlen noticed this. “It’s going to get cold if you don’t eat it, that’s what stew does.”

I made a face at him, which he responded to with a grin, before I raised the wooden spoon to my lips tentatively. It’s not like I’d never had stew, or been camping, but suddenly I was worried. Could I even eat their food? What about the water? Would I get sick? I was used to a life full of vaccinations, immunities, and sterilized food and water. Thedas had to have completely different microbiomes too, right? How was I not already contracting some kind of deathly illness due to lack of exposure? It seemed a detail almost too tangible for this strange incredible fantasy world I’d found myself in, but the worry was real enough.

Still I took a bite; starvation would kill me slower than new bacteria. It was a unfamiliar texture, but my stomach did not mind over much, and soon I was devouring it. I was starving, but I had no idea why. Before I knew it, I’d finished the bowl.

Tamlen took in the sight with a laugh. “Well, I’d say we’ve fixed the problem. Wouldn’t you, _lethallin_?” he asked. Theron chuckled in response.

It was then that the canvas flap isolating the aravel was pulled back once more and the keeper walked in, followed closely by another, younger, woman. Another mage.

My eyes snapped upwards to the girl. I wasn’t sure if young woman was more applicable or not.

Her dark curly hair was pulled back away from her brow and her dusky vallaslin framed her delicate face. It set off her olive skin and bright green eyes in such a lovely way. She could’ve only been in her late teens, maybe even younger than me. Though she was evidently old enough to earn the blood writing.

She looked so similar to and so different than what I remembered, but seeing her was still surreal. I knew who she was without a thought.  

“Merrill, this is the young woman we found in the woods.” The keeper gestured to me.

“Oh, so you’re the mage?” She met my gaze eagerly. “I’m Merrill. Aneth ar’a,” she said with a bright smile.

This time I managed to hide my reaction, and instead smiled in response. “My name is Lana. It’s nice to meet you.” Falling back onto politeness somehow managed to ground me. I was always good at putting on a mask in public, so how was this so much different?

“Will you be staying with us?” Merrill asked quickly, then added, “Ir abelas, I’m too eager. You’re the first mage I’ve met since the last Arlathvhen.” Then she looked over to the keeper as if to ask if she’d overstepped.

Marethari however did not seem annoyed. “You may join us if you wish it. So long as you respect our people and our customs. Or, you may stay until you recover your strength and then leave for the city once again. It is your choice.”

I nearly cried of relief. The thought of having to figure this all out on my own was horrifying.

“I will stay, Keeper, I cannot thank you enough.” I tried to hold back the ridiculous onslaught of emotions that came with my relief. “But, I must tell you I’ve had very little training in magic. My parents weren’t mages themselves. They protected me, but there was only so much that they could do.” The lie already felt so natural.

The keeper merely nodded, as if that had been her guess from the start. “That is understandable da’len. Merrill is very far along in her training, so it will not be at all difficult to teach you if you are willing to put in the effort. It is my belief that you are.”

I could practically feel Merrill beaming at the news. Theron was harder to read, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Tamlen crack a smile. 

“Now that it has been settled, we will leave you to rest,” she said as she stepped back towards the entrance, with the others in tow.

* * *

I was left on my own to contemplate what exactly had just happened. In the span of an hour I’d somehow found myself in a forest surrounded by strangers, the strangers had turned out to be Dalish elves from my favorite video game series, I’d been told I was a mage, and I had become an elf. It sounded absolutely ridiculous.

Now that I was thinking about it, my ears weren’t all that had changed. My body felt different. I weighed less, and it felt awkward and uncomfortable. It had been hard to tell when I had been numb and shaking, but I could tell now that I’d eaten and was allowed time to think. The clothing I wore was loose in awkward places, and I realized it was because I had lost weight in those areas. I’d always been larger, something that had changed to curves as I’d aged, but now that familiar weight on my arms, hips, and thighs had lessened. Like I’d been malnourished. I felt small, fragile, and exhausted; worse than I had in the past year at least, which was saying something.

None of this seemed to bode well for me. Not only was I here in this strange place that shouldn’t exist, but my body was obviously responsive to this world and what went on in it. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

I took a deep breath. I was focusing on everything that had gone wrong, but I needed to focus on the positive if I wanted to keep my senses. There was one thing I hadn’t tested, and if the keeper were right about it, my life was about to change even more dramatically.

According to Marethari, I was a mage.

The thought alone filled me with giddiness. _Magic_. I couldn’t believe it. I’d always dreamed of being able to use magic, ever since I was a little girl. If someone had given me one wish, that would’ve been it. So next to everything else that seemed impossible right now, magic took center stage. The rest paled in comparison.

I wasn’t at all sure what to do. How could I test it? Did I just imagine a flame? Did I will it into being or did I have to sense the veil first? I wasn’t even sure what I’d be looking for.

Perhaps I could call to a spirit in my dreams and ask for its assistance. The thought of spirits sent a whole new wave of giddiness through me. If I was a mage, I could communicate with spirits. I couldn’t help the smile that broke out on my face. _I can meet spirits!_

At the same time I rolled my eyes internally at myself, if I were with Solas right now he’d have a fit. To see someone so interested in spirits and magic.

I sobered in an instant at the thought.

It seemed the rollercoaster of emotions and revelations was never going to stop. If the Dalish were real, if I were really here, then Solas was real. He would wake up in ten years or so, assuming the blight would happen soon, and then he’d try to tear down the veil and end this world.

My stomach dropped. “Well, shit,” I so eloquently reminded myself.

So that was it then. If I even survived that long, I probably only had about ten to twenty years here, depending on what year it was now.

What was I even going to do in those years? I wasn’t really planning on staying with Clan Sabrae was I? Even if I did, there was a chance I’d die with the rest of the clan on Sundermount, all depending on the actions of Hawke, Merrill, and Marethari. That wasn’t a cheerful thought.

Then there was Theron. If he was tainted and Duncan saved him, maybe I could go with them to Ostagar. Of course, that plan had so many holes in it that it could float in water. I wanted to meet Alistair, Morrigan, Leliana, and Zevran, desperately, but even I had to realize that going to Ostagar was a terrible way of going about it. Even if I had years to train in magic before the blight started, there was a very slim chance I’d survive Ostagar. And the thought of being in a major battle was not pleasant, nor was the thought of facing darkspawn. I’d never even seen a _real_ dead body before, not one that wasn’t dressed up and resting neatly in a casket, and the last time that had happened, I’d been what _five_?

I had to stop myself again. I was always getting ahead of myself. This wasn’t something I could decide on now, and perhaps I was being arrogant in even believing I’d get a decision in what would happen. That was the future, this was now. If I wanted to be even slightly prepared for that future, I needed to focus on my magic now.

So with that in mind, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I tried to be aware of the world around me, like I had been when I’d sensed Marethari’s magic. The veil had to feel similar if all magic came from the Fade, right?

At first, there was nothing different, and for a moment I thought I wouldn’t be able to feel anything. But then, as I continued to search I heard the song in the most gentle of whispers. It was like a wisp of breath, shimmering in the air. There was a strange dimension to it, threads of song and sensation tied intricately together, weaving in and out. I could see it, even as my eyes remained closed. I focused my mind on it and kept my breathing even, and second by second the patterns became clearer as they seemed to brush up against my own aura.

That had to be it, the veil.

I remembered there’d been a dialogue at some point. _Maybe it was a party banter?_ Two mages had been talking about spells, and something about pulling and manipulating the veil to produce them. If magic came from the Fade, maybe that meant I had to siphon it out through the holes in the veil. There were small spaces in the patterns, cracks and crevices between the threads, I just had to draw from those. I could feel power brimming just beyond them, and the song was stronger when I focused there.

I reached toward them, as if to ask the magic to come through, and it did. The energy tingled at my fingertips and surged into my veins. The song came with it as well and washed over my other senses. It was all I could feel and hear.

That one moment seemed to last for ages. I felt more real then I’d ever felt before. The world around me lost its sense of permanence, but I was glowing and bright. I could feel the veil more strongly as the magic coursed through me, though it seemed thinner to my imagination than it had before.

But before I could try to work any kind of spell, I was forced back into reality by someone shaking me by the shoulders. The magic fled in an instant, replaced by a feeling of emptiness.

“Ellana!” I blinked my eyes open hazily to see the keeper’s troubled face. Her voice sounded as if she’d already tried getting my attention to no avail.  

I couldn’t quite find my words, but the keeper did not give me time to speak.

“Were you trying to rip a hole in the veil, da’len?” The distress in her eyes was almost as clear as it was in her voice.

My eyes widened in shock. “Rip a hole? What? How would I, why would I…”

“You told me you had no training, and that, I trusted. If your purpose here is to pose a threat to my clan, your goal will not be accomplished. I will not allow it.” Marethari’s voice had gained back its control, but behind her words was the blister of anger.

“Wait. I don’t understand. I wasn’t trying to rip a hole in the veil! Don’t you need blood magic for that? I wouldn’t even know how to _use_ blood magic.” My heart was pounding and my thoughts were in chaos. What could I have possibly done?

The keeper did not immediately respond, as if she were judging the sincerity of my claim. After a moment of what looked like deep concentration, confusion seemed to gather in her eyes. She looked troubled once more. “No. You are right. I sense you have called upon no demon. But _how_ , da’len? How did you gather enough magical energy to disturb the veil so?”

“I…don’t know,” I responded. “I was just trying to cast a spell. This is the first time I’ve been able to.” _You have no idea how honest I’m being right now._

The keeper frowned. “I do not know how you went about it, but please refrain from anymore attempts for the time being.” I could tell she wanted to say more on the matter, but whatever else she was thinking she did not put into words. “You should rest now. Tomorrow will come quickly.”

I found myself alone in the aravel once more, but this time with much more uncertainty. I reckoned it would be some time before I’d be able to quiet my thoughts enough to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Aneth Ar'a = Informal greeting  
> Aravel = Dalish landship  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Lethallin = Kin
> 
> Just a note:   
> Sometimes my Elven will have slight differences from canon, like in the case of "Aneth ar'a" vs. "Aneth ara," this is because I've been working on my own version of Elven for this story. It is mostly canon-compliant, but not completely (mostly because I don't have time to look up every piece of Elven ever given in lore, or because a word conflicts with something else so I have to make a distinction, like in this case with "ar'a").


	3. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Three

I awoke to the sound of wind chimes.

I kept my eyes closed as I savored the calming sound and the cool breeze that followed it. I could feel the sun on my eyelids, warm, but not too hot. My limbs felt light, as if I were laying on soft grass. It smelled like autumn. My lips twitched into a smile, and I breathed in deeply, letting the air fill up my lungs. I could lay here for hours, just breathing, and be content.

I let my mind wander and my senses widen. There was the sound of water nearby, a babbling brook. I could picture it in my mind’s eye. Towering trees giving shade to the fish and tadpoles that made their home in the creek. Leaves falling. The nip of frost in the air that accompanied nature’s changing colors.

I reached out with my hand to feel the lilies that surrounded me in the little meadow. They smelled so lovely. I could picture the butterflies fluttering from one flower to the next and hear the buzzing of the honey bees as they zipped through the air. A ways off I could hear a bird as it began to chirp its morning song, and then how another bird joined in to form a chorus with the first.

I didn’t open my eyes until I heard a pearl of laughter come from my right.

“Hello?” I called out as I sat up. I didn’t see anyone that the laughter could’ve belonged to, but this was explained as I heard it again, now at my back. As I turned my body to look behind myself, I saw a boy glowing golden in the sunlight. He was gazing around at the meadow and at the brook a ways off.

“Hello,” he responded, and for a second I swore I could see through him to the trees in the background. He looked light as a feather, like he might flutter away if the wind grew too strong.

“What are you doing here?” I asked curiously. It only now occurred to me that I didn’t know where here was, a concern I didn’t rest on.

“Meeting you.” He smiled, and I frowned. I could barely make out his face. I wasn’t even sure I actually saw him smile, it was more of a feeling. He seemed happy, delighted, but I wasn’t sure how I knew. He noticed my confusion and laughed. “Don’t look with your eyes.”

It made sense, though I wasn’t sure how, so I closed my eyes again. He was still there, but I could see him more clearly now. He was bright and playful. He was… “Curious,” I whispered.

“Yes. And you’re the Ellana! I’ve wanted to meet you.” He was smiling again, in his way. His voice sounded like chimes in my ears, like the wind chimes still ringing in the meadow. I opened my eyes, habitually perhaps, but the boy no longer stood in front of me. He was still there, but his form was brighter and less defined.

My mind caught up. “You’re a spirit, of curiosity. And this is… the Fade?” I could feel as the memories of the evening before gathered in my mind, but I didn’t quite let them through. I wasn’t ready.

“Why are you here?” Curiosity asked, making no move to confirm or deny what I’d asked. I didn’t quite understand the question. I was about to respond and say I’d fallen asleep, but it interrupted me, “No. Why the lilies? They’re yellow and brilliant like the stars. Why is that important to you?”

My brows furrowed. I didn’t know why there were lilies in the meadow. They were just there. I didn’t choose them.

It seemed disappointed by how quickly I dismissed its question. “But you did choose them. All of this is you. You are Ellana, but you are also the meadow and the creek, the butterflies and the wind.”

“I created this?” My eyes widened in surprise. I looked around myself. Now that I thought about it, I’d known what was in the meadow before I’d even opened my eyes. Why hadn’t I picked up on that? I had so many questions. “Can I change it? What if I wanted to see someplace else? Could I make that too?”

The spirit seemed to grow in energy at my onslaught of questions. It was no longer still, nor thin enough to blow away. It had quickly forgotten its temporary distress. “Yes! Will you show me?”

I saw no reason to decline its request, so I nodded my assent. Then I faltered as a butterfly fluttered past me on the wind. It’s brilliant blue wings seemed to beckon me. How could I change this scene?

This meadow seemed so real, and I didn’t remember being conscious of choosing it in the first place.

Curiosity seemed eager nonetheless. “What do you want to see? How does it feel? If you can see it, we’ll both be able to see it.” 

“That’s all it takes?” I questioned. That seemed almost too simple. I had thought mages could only interact with the Fade, not shape it. At least, not unless they were Dreamers.

Curiosity seemed confused by my question, however. “It takes _you_ ,” it said it as if it were obvious. I tilted my head to the side in thought, but I didn’t question it further. I wasn’t sure it understood my hesitation.

It almost seemed silly to me that I should be able to create something when I’d never visited the Fade before. Still, I pushed my perfectionism and questions away for a second. I could at least try, for Curiosity.

I didn’t picture anything in particular at first. I just closed my eyes. The first image to pop into my mind was what I went with, and I could feel Curiosity flutter beside me in excitement as it sensed my thoughts.

I started with the ground beneath me. I could still feel the dewy grass tickling my feet, so I started with that. I cleared my mind and pushed the sensation aside. I imagined myself wearing thick boots. The grass ceased to prickle me as the leather molded itself to my feet.

Then I pictured a full cloak warming me. I needed it to be cold after all. I could feel the nip in the air grow, and the chill feeling reached all the way down to my now leather-clad toes. The ground was solid, firm, stone. It was old, ancient. I wanted to feel the age and history buried beneath my soles.

As I began to imagine the scene, I could feel another presence entering the field, though I payed it no mind for the moment. I wanted to get this right first.

I worked my way up from the stone, as I did I could feel the trees and the open sky disappear.

High above me, I imagined the graceful arches that reached into the rafters so that the grand wooden roof above would be kept from collapse. There needed to be structure before I could focus on the rest.

Sconces lined the walls, below the arches, and they were aglow with blue flames. Veilfire. They lit several doors that led to other sections of the castle. Interestingly, I could feel as one of the doors was lit brighter than the others, as if the magic could feel a pull even in this shallow copy of the real place. It made me pause for only a moment before I continued.

At the far end of the hall the stained glass morphed and fizzled into new directions and pictures in my mind’s eye. I couldn’t decide on the design, but the Fade was happy to supply me with whatever I could imagine. I could feel the glee radiating from Curiosity as it watched how the pictures danced before finally settling. I decided that I wanted impossibly vivid colors; bright and radiant sunset hues that depicted cities floating in the clouds. The glass glowed and shimmered as if lit by a thousand stars. I could nearly feel the questions bubbling up in my new friend at the continued star motif, but it allowed me to continue without interruption.

What would come next? The curtains and decorations; that was always my favorite part.

Rich, velveteen fabrics spilled down from just below the rafters at increments along the length of the hall. They were a deep red, _no_ , I changed my mind. They would be a rich plum. Purple always seemed more aligned with the arcane, to me. On the fabrics were sown trees like those of the Crossroads, with their elegantly curved branches.

Below the curtains I imagined long tables in dark woods, decorated with interesting artifacts that I recalled from various places. Maps, tomes, and magical treasures. It seemed fitting in a way. Knowledge and history as the course of the evening in place of the food of the waking world.

All that was left lay at the end of the hall, under the stained glass cities. For some reason, a throne didn’t sit right with me. It almost felt as if the Fade were asking me to make a different choice, as if it were a riddle I had to unravel. If not a throne, then what?

I knew what belonged there before I’d even fully formed the thought. The mirror that took shape in my mind was at once beautiful and tragic. It stood tall, and though I wasn’t sure how, I knew it wanted to reflect the light of the stained glass that lay behind it. I didn’t know how that would work, but it felt right, so I let it happen. The hall which had previously been lit solely by the Veilfire’s light was set aflame as if it were the sunset itself. It was magnificent.

It was then that I opened my eyes. Everything I had pictured was there. I felt the thrill of success as I basked in the peculiar brilliant light of the eluvian. A smile stretched across my face. _I really did it._ After a moment it occurred to me that the hall was unoccupied. Somehow I could feel how it longed for company. It was lonely. How could a place be lonely?

“You do it justice, _lethallan_.” I jumped as I heard the melodious voice at my shoulder. I’d been so caught up in creating this vision that I had completely forgotten the presence I’d felt only moments earlier.

In an instant I lost my mental picture and the world around me began to melt into colors. Almost as if it were transforming into a Van Gogh painting. The stained glass cities and the eluvian swirled up into a rich mist of pigments, and the stone that had surrounded me blew away with a breeze. I could feel Curiosity’s overwhelming disappointment mingle with my own sense of loss.

It was completely absurd, but as the image washed away I felt tears gathering behind my eyes and the corners of my lips pulling down involuntarily. _No. I won’t cry. Not here._ I felt so stupid, the reaction was irrational, but it had come about so quickly. I was angry at myself, at my carelessness, and it only made the prickling in my eyes stronger. It was the strangest sensation. I felt as if I’d abandoned it. It had wanted someone to care, and now it was gone.

That was when the visitor put a hand on my arm in comfort. “ _Hamin_ , da’len, you’ve ruined nothing. Your first attempt was more than most. It held an essence of Tarasyl’an Te’las. That is what you mourn.”

I took a minute to reign in my emotions. I could feel a tremor just beyond the range of my senses. It seemed heightened emotions were a balm to spirits. I found that almost amusing considering in the physical world I tried my damnedest to stay away from emotionally charged encounters.

My disappointment was offset somewhat by my amusement and then by the wonder of everything I was experiencing. Here I was, having just met two spirits, and I was upset over the loss of a building I’d only pictured in my head.

The new spirit beside me seemed to take my internal contemplation in stride. It remained quiet while I tried to right myself. Once I felt I had myself under control again I turned to see the spirit at my side. Its form was much clearer than Curiosity’s, so I guessed that it embodied something more potent.

“You may call me Remembrance, or Wisdom, if you wish, though those are not all the names I have known.” It responded, as if it had heard my thoughts. By this point I wasn’t surprised that spirits seemed to be able to know what I was thinking.

I could feel a sort of amusement coming from Remembrance. “I do not listen to your thoughts, but instead, your aura. You are more real here than many of the young ones, and in turn easier to understand.”

My eyebrows raised. I wasn’t sure which question to ask first. “But then why does it seem as if you answer my questions directly?”

“Thought and emotion are not as separate as you seem to place them, especially not here.” I could’ve sworn there was a double meaning to its words, something I wasn’t meant to understand, but I was unable to ask what it was as Curiosity interrupted us.

“That’s why I want to know about the starry lilies! They are connected to you, but you’ve cut yourself off from them. Why?” I was struck by confusion again. There was nothing special about the lilies. They were a flower I liked, sure, but beyond that there was no specific meaning. I could feel again its ripple of displeasure. “You make them less when they should be more. Aren’t you curious?” 

I tried to think on what the meaning might be, but the space around me was slowly becoming fuzzy and confusing. Curiosity and Remembrance’s forms were growing weaker and weaker as the meadow around us started fading into nothing.

* * *

“I don’t know,” I said as I tried to clear my eyes. The light was different somehow as things came back into focus.

“Don’t know what?” I heard in Merrill’s chipper voice. I looked up to see her setting a bowl and mug down on the makeshift table shelf that was attached to the wagon.

I started to yawn, and that’s when it hit me. I’d been waking up. I almost laughed aloud at my obliviousness. Of course I’d been waking up. It’s not as if I could stay in the Fade forever. Though now that I was awake, I was severely lamenting that fact. I hadn’t even been able to ask what had drawn Remembrance to me, or Curiosity for that matter.

I realized Merrill was still waiting for an answer. “Oh, it’s nothing. I must’ve been talking in my sleep.” I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to share my dream, even with Merrill. I trusted her, but the same was not true in reverse.

Merrill out of anyone would be the most accepting, and maybe even enthusiastic, about my interactions with Curiosity and Remembrance. But I was pretty sure if I started acting like the two of us were best friends it would overwhelm her, or at least scare her off. So instead, I shifted the conversation. “I see you come bearing gifts.”

She looked confused for a moment before looking down at what she’d just set down. “Oh! You mean these? _Ir abelas_ , they aren’t really gifts. The drink is a herbal remedy to help build your strength, but it tastes quite foul.” She made a face, then paused for a moment. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

I chuckled at Merrill’s chagrined expression. “It’s fine, I’ll still drink it. Anything’s better than the shaking.” I still felt weak, I realized. I hadn’t felt it in the Fade, but it was obvious now.

“Oh good, I was worried I’d have to trick you.” Her worry seemed to melt away with my words.

She sounded so genuine that I couldn’t help but smile in response before asking, “What about the bowl?”

“That would be breakfast. It’s best not to drink this on an empty stomach,” she said, gesturing to the mug.

I nodded in response before shifting my weight so that I could sit up and place the bowl in my lap. As I did so, Merrill made her way to the entrance of the aravel before giving me an awkward half-wave. “Well, I should leave you. The keeper says she’ll come to see you after you’ve eaten. To make sure you’re well.”

“Thank you, Merrill. I appreciate it,” I responded as she left the aravel.

With her sudden departure it was quiet, but I could almost hear the camp waking up around me. It was strange. I was in a Dalish encampment. There was an entire clan of people I had yet to meet. I wondered, for the first time, when I might meet them. I couldn’t help the pull I was beginning to feel to clan Sabrae.  

But even stronger was the pull of the Fade. Its song was just beyond my consciousness.

I remembered then that Curiosity had called me ‘the Ellana’ and Remembrance had remarked on me being more real than most. What did that mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Aravel = Dalish landship  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Hamin = Rest; Sheath your blade; in this case, relax.  
> Ir Abelas = I'm sorry  
> Lethallan = Kin  
> Tarasyl'an Te'las = Skyhold
> 
> Thank you everyone that has given kudos, bookmarked, and commented! It really makes me so happy to see that people are liking this!


	4. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Four

The next few days, and nights, were quiet. The keeper wanted me to focus on gaining back my strength, and my dreams had been quieted by sleeping draughts. My only companions were Merrill, who regularly brought me more of the foul drink from the first day, and Theron, who stopped in every now and again.

I’d learned since then that Theron and Tamlen had found me deep within the woods, and that Theron had stayed with me while he sent Tamlen back for the keeper. Even though I’d only sustained minor scratches, nothing that should’ve rendered me unconscious, I hadn’t woken up until the keeper had started to heal me. Theron found it curious, so he had come back each day to check on me.

He seemed a quiet sort, but more by nature than for lack of things to say. He preferred to keep to himself as far as I could tell, except when it came to Tamlen who was obviously his dearest friend.

We had sat awkwardly in silence the first day, but it had become more comfortable being around him already. He didn’t question me, and he was more than happy to sit by my side in silence if conversation stilled.   

I liked him. It was a strange thing to realize. I could picture how he’d interact with Alistair and Morrigan, how he’d go about solving the problems that the Blight would throw at him. He could lead, it was obvious, even though he usually chose to downplay himself. I was fairly certain he downplayed his abilities for his own advantage, not out of mere humility, anyways. 

It was after one of his visits that I was finally brought out to meet the clan. I’d been able to get out of bed for a bit the day before, so it seemed a safe enough bet that I could walk around at least for a little while that evening. I was ecstatic at the chance for a change in scenery. Laying in the aravel had been comfortable, to an extent, but after several days in the same place without a chance to bathe or to do my business anywhere aside from a chamber pot in the corner, I was fairly certain I’d start going mad.

Some of the hunters still hadn’t returned for the day, but we found quite a group in the clearing once we had exited the landship.

It was the first time I got to actually see the camp. I’d been so out of it the first time that I hadn’t gotten a good look. I hadn’t been able to see how beautiful it was. The aravels lined the perimeter of the camp, and each one was decorated in a different way, with carvings dancing across their widths. The one I’d been staying in seemed to have several different stories etched across it, detailed with beautiful pigments. The canvases erected atop the wagons to create living spaces sported the heraldry of the clan, and had an assortment of different embellishments.

To one side of the camp was a fire where some hunters sat accompanied by older elves in skinning and cooking the kill that had been brought back so far. Not far from them, children sat listening to an older man, one of the Hahren, I assumed.

Farther, near the other end of camp, I could see a man with a few younger elves, I assumed his apprentices, working on some kind of woodwork. They did this out of a partially opened aravel that had a variety of materials tucked away within it. Not far from them, Merrill sat perched on a log reading from a large tome.

I was about to follow Theron, he looked like he was going to move towards the fire, but my attention was caught by something in my peripheral. To my immediate right, hiding behind the aravel I’d been kept in, stood a large enclosure where grazed the most beautiful animals I’d ever seen. They looked like harts, but their pelts were a shimmering white and their horns reached up in elegant designs. I had always imagined halla in my head as graceful and small, but these creatures before me were grand and majestic. 

Their strength was nearly as obvious as their grace, but more than that was their _intelligence_. It was obvious not only in the way they held themselves, but in their eyes. These were not simple mounts.

I was transfixed by the beauty of them. How had I missed them when they’d brought me into camp? Apparently my awe was palpable because I could hear Theron chuckle from beside me. “I’m sure Maren would allow you to meet them, but the clan may be miffed that you chose the Halla over them.”

I laughed. “And what will the Halla think if I chose the elves over them?”

I caught a glimpse of Theron’s rare smile in response to my question before he changed course to guide us over to the pen. “Good point.”

Amongst the beautiful creatures stood a woman with a flash of red hair. She turned to look up at us as we approached and a smile broke out over her face. “Theron! And you’ve brought Ellana, at a guess?” When I nodded she added, “The Halla have been worried for you. They can sense when one of the people is not well. I’m glad you’ve come to meet them. It will be reassuring.”

“I worried them? But I’m not even Dalish.” I was shocked. I always expected to be invisible, to not affect those around me, and each time that assumption was proven false it surprised me. Here I was: confused out of my wits, having been found starving in the woods, and with nothing but a shared language to connect me with the people around me. Why anyone had helped me so far was beyond my guesses, but now this? I didn’t feel worthy of recognition from these Halla. They seemed creatures removed from the mundane life of the forest, removed from me, creatures out of a dream.  

“You can try telling them that. They know the people when they see them, vallaslin or no.” Her smile was calming, as if it were an inside joke she shared with the beasts. “Though, you don’t happen to have a parent who was Dalish, do you?”

I shook my head. “Not as far as I know, but my parents didn’t talk about their childhoods much.”

Maren shrugged. “Still, all elves are descended from those of Elvhenan. They are likely glad to see another child returning to her people.” Then she gestured to the herd before I could respond. “Go on, they’d love to meet you.”

I looked back to Theron, instinctually, as if to ask permission. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Of course he wouldn’t. I’d been given permission by the keeper of the Halla herself. I hardly needed his. I squashed my sudden embarrassment before passing through the gate and into the pen.

The first of the halla that I approached was smaller than the others, save the fawns. He looked up as I approached him and huffed at me, though not in an unfriendly way.

When I put my hand out, he tilted his head up to nudge it with his snout. His warm breath tickled my palm, and I made a delighted noise as I moved my hand to pet the fur under his chin. It was as soft as it looked, and he seemed to be pleased by the contact.

His antlers were carved in such a way that I could almost make out a story. They weren’t simply spiraling forms like I had expected, but instead there were figures sculpted into them that acted out a narrative of some sort. I removed my hand from his fur and reached up to run my fingers gently along the carvings. He did not seem to mind, though he made a small sound at the touch.

“What’s his name?” I asked, pulling my attention away from his antlers for a moment.

“Tears,” Maren readily answered. There was a solemnity to her voice. The name was important to her in some way.

“Tears?” My brows furrowed. It seemed a strange word to use as a name.

“You know some of the language?” Maren asked before addressing Theron, “You didn’t tell me that.”

“What?” I asked, as I looked back at the two of them. The halla seemed only slightly displeased at my attention being pulled away from him.

“You know Elven?” The question was repeated.

I shook my head. I didn’t know much beyond what I’d seen in the games: the basic lethallan, da’len, vhenan, and so on. I had known more at one point when I learned the elven eulogy, but I’d forgotten most of it since. “Why?” I asked. The question seemed like a non sequitur.

“The name. It’s Elvish, but you translated it.” Maren seemed confused when I gave no sign of understanding, so she enunciated, “ _Numin_. It means Tears.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh…I…” I heard it this time, but I could’ve sworn I’d heard her say ‘tears’ the first time. I pushed the thought away to answer the waiting woman, “I know a little. I just didn’t think…some words are so familiar I almost forget they aren’t Common.” I was quickly becoming equally impressed and worried with my ability to come up with lies off the top of my head.

“Well, then it is good to know it is still preserved among others of our kin.” She looked contemplative, so I wasn’t sure if she expected a reply.

I was drawn back into my thoughts as I reached out for Numin once more. I wasn't sure how I could know what _numin_ meant. I couldn't remember looking it up at any point. I hadn't even heard Maren say ‘numin’. Had I just instinctually translated? How was that possible? _Am I even surprised at this point?_

Of course I was, but really a dragon could fly down into the clearing right now, and how could I say that was any weirder than anything else going on right now?

Objectively, it was _all_ weird. Another thing added to the pile of things I couldn’t explain.

Subjectively, the language nerd in me was rioting. I wondered if there was more Elven I had somehow picked up. No, I _hoped_ there was more Elven I had picked up. I hadn’t translated the Elven phrases I’d heard so far, but then again I hadn’t needed translations for those.

Numin harrumphed at me after a moment, which I assumed meant I hadn’t been paying quite enough attention to him for his liking. It made me smile.

I took a closer look at the detail on his antlers then. The figures were small, and low relief, but they were extravagant. Whoever carved these was a master of the art.

There was a woman, Ghilan’nain if I were to tell by the halla-like antlers adorning her head, in the forest. It was her story. It depicted how she cursed the hunter and then in turn became the hunted, then how she was freed by the hares before being restored as the first halla by Andruil. Of course, I realized the story probably held little truth, but still it was marvelous.

As I studied it, Maren approached me. “On the left is the story of how the mother of Halla, Ghilan’nain, first ascended to the pantheon. The right is the fate that befell the one who hunted her."

I took that moment to study the story on the right. It was not a tale I had heard before. It started with the hunter and Ghilan’nain as she was bound and blinded. Then it showed a scene of the hunter’s escape, but next came something I did not expect. He was chained and brought before an elf upon a throne. After a moment I figured it must’ve been Elgar’nan. The next few scenes were of his punishment. A fate much worse than what he had submitted Ghilan’nain to. It was as gruesome as it was stunningly rendered. I tried not to pay attention to the details, but I was fairly certain I saw his eyes being torn from their sockets. At that, I looked away. 

I was speechless for a moment; it certainly had not been what I’d expected. I decided rather quickly that I preferred the carvings on the left side of his antlers. All I could manage in response was, “Well that…looks painful.”

Numin gave me an acquiescent look, but Maren seemed unfazed. “Elgar’nan is not known for his mercy, for those he judges do not often deserve it.”

I nodded before shifting the subject. “Who carved these?”

“I did. It is the Halla keeper’s duty.” Maren paused. “But there are many designs, and many are less fateful than these. Numin has a duality to his personality that is unique, which made it seem fitting that he be crowned with this tale.”

I nodded. Though the violence was off-putting, I could see how it may be most fitting for him to wear. It wasn’t all that hard for me to imagine why someone might take Elgar’nan’s vallaslin, though I almost wished it was.

My contemplation was broken as I heard Tamlen’s voice. “Ther! You know Ashalle is dying to meet Lana, and yet here you are hiding her away from everyone.”

“Ah, I see you’ve returned. I was wondering if the sun would set before your arrival.” I could hear the subtle jibe in Theron’s voice as I turned to see the two talking. Tamlen had an arm around Theron, but he didn’t seem particularly bothered. Maren was watching them with an amused expression that said this was normal.

There was another elf that stood beside Tamlen, though he seemed out of place in the exchange. He still had his bow strung over his back. Tamlen jabbed back at him with his thumb. “Well if Fenarel here hadn’t chased away our prey, we’d’ve been back before you.” I recalled that Fenarel had been a companion in the Dalish origin, though he didn’t look anything like what I remembered. He could’ve been brothers with Tamlen for how much they resembled each other.  

He scoffed, “By ‘chased away our prey’, he means stopped _him_ from walking straight into a bear trap.”

Theron’s raised his eyebrow at this. “A bear trap? Did you see any shemlen?” As I studied his face, I could almost see the gears churning in his head. He was already thinking forward to the implications if they had.

However, Tamlen shrugged off his suspicion with a grin. “Nah, it was rusty. Probably been there a decade.”

I watched Theron’s quick change from apprehensive to perplexed. “Well, it’s fortunate then that one of you has some sense.” I guessed that his tone came from one too many times where Tamlen had cheated harm or otherwise done something foolish. “You took care of it?”

“Triggered it, yeah.” Tamlen nodded. “So, as I was saying. I heard that Paivel taught the da’len’en some of the old songs. They’re planning on singing ‘em for us over dinner. Pretty sure Ashalle sweet-talked him into it, what with our new guest and all.”

I felt a thrill of excitement at the news. I’d love to hear these old songs. “Who is Ashalle?” I asked, though of course I already knew the answer.

“My mother. She’s one of the Hahren,” Theron replied. “If Numin will allow your departure, I’ll introduce you.”

The halla who had remained beside me as we talked gave an indignant huff, but pulled himself away from me, as if to say he desired no more attention. I indulged in a small smile before diverting my attention back to Theron. “Right. I would love to meet her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Aravel = Dalish landship  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Da'len'en = Children; Apprentices  
> Hahren = Elder  
> Lethallan = Kin  
> Vhenan = Heart
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos, and bookmarked! I really appreciate you guys!!!


	5. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Five

By the fire we found several of the clansmen, including Ashalle. She sat surrounded by six others, all of which were quite a bit older than my small group. She wore clothes consisting mostly of warm furs, as did the woman beside her though the others were clad in ironbark and leather, and her silver hair was brought back in braids that framed her still youthful face. Her complexion was similar to Tamlen’s, something common throughout most of the clan, and her cheeks dimpled when she smiled.

“There you are! I hoped you might visit us,” she said as she saw us.

Theron smiled in response and turned to me. “This is Hahren Ashalle.”

“No need for the ‘Hahren’, _da’len_ ,” she said to Theron with an amused look. Then she turned her gaze to me and smiled. “It is good to meet you Ellana, and good to see you well. Maren says the Halla were worried over you. That is all the evidence I need to know you will fit in well here.”

One of the armored elves, a younger woman, sitting across the fire spoke up then, “And you even managed to drag Tamlen along to do some work, I’m impressed.”

I looked back to see Tamlen roll his eyes, but rather than respond to her jibe he addressed me, “The snotty one is Rina, she thinks she’s impressive because she managed to steal an enchanted bow from some shemlen a while back, but really she’s a terrible shot without it.”

“What he’s forgetting is that I’m the best trapper this side of the Frostbacks,” Rina added, though she didn’t seem all that bothered by his comment.

“Oh, course, how could I forget? You never shut up about it,” he muttered.

The elf that sat beside Rina, a man of about the same age, hushed them, “Alright, children. Perhaps you could set a better example for the clan?” His look was more amused than annoyed even as he said this. He sat more closely to Rina than I assumed friends would and his tone held an endearment to it as it was directed at her. I wondered, idly, if they were together.

Theron spoke up then, a smirk pulling at his lips, “Well, she already seems to like Tamlen, so I’m not sure how we could scare her away now.”

The man laughed at this, and Tamlen simply looked indignant. “Right, well enough picking on the poor guy. I’m Junar, it’s nice to meet you,” he said as he shifted his gaze to me.

I smiled, I was pretty sure I remembered him from the Dalish origin as well, though like all the rest he hardly seemed like a character from a video game. “It’s nice to meet you as well. Is this all of the hunters?” I asked, gesturing to the rest of the people that had gathered around the flames. I assumed the woman sitting beside Ashalle was a Hahren, guessing by her age and warm dress, but aside from her there were two other armored elves who hadn’t spoken. They seemed more focused on their task, they were sorting berries or herbs or something, then on us new arrivals.

He shook his head. “No, this is only those of us assigned to preparing the evening meal.” He gestured to the three others who had remained silent, the older woman and the two armored elves. “That’s Hahren Elothra, and then Ghelya and Sarthon, Fenarel’s parents, the rest are off doing their own jobs, training, or resting.” The other Hahren smiled at me and the two hunters acknowledged me before going back to their work and speaking amongst themselves. I realized then that Fenarel was no longer standing with us. It was only Theron, Tamlen, and me. He’d slipped off so quietly that I hadn’t noticed.

Tamlen seemed to sense my confusion. “Yeah, he does that.” He moved closer to me and lowered his voice conspiratorially though it was obvious Theron was listening, “Wait till you see Theron and Fenarel hunting together, I swear they’re actually shades in disguise. They could slit all of our throats in the night and you wouldn’t know till there was no one left. They’re _spooky_.”  

I chuckled at his enthusiasm and whispered back in turn, “You watch my back, I’ll watch yours. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.” This earned me a smile, and I had to hold back a laugh. _Right, I’m sooo clever. Use a reference they’ll never get, you’re hilarious Liz._

Theron shook his head at the exchange, but I could see the smile on his lips. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Have you seen Variel?” he asked Ashalle.

“Not in a bit,” she said before looking over to Elothra as if to ask if she had.

The woman nodded her head and raised her hands from her work to make a set of complicated signs.

I couldn’t make out what they meant, but Theron could. “Ma serannas,” he thanked her as he signed back, then he glanced over to me. “She’s in the training area, should be finishing up, so she’ll probably be happy to take you down to the creek and wash up.” 

A smile spread across my face at that. Water sounded amazing right about now, with how grimy I felt after several days cooped up in the aravel.

* * *

We found Variel rather easily.

The training area was a ways off from the main camp. It was a large clearing, though not as large as the one they’d settled the aravels in. There were several targets among the trees, but, aside from that and two elves sitting on a rock in the middle, it was rather empty.

One of the elves was a young woman; she was probably only a few years my elder. The woman, that I assumed was Variel, wore armor, as did the other. However, the other elf was definitely younger than me. He looked to be around eleven or twelve years old, if I were to guess.

Whereas Variel’s face was marked by vallaslin, his was bare. An apprentice then. It looked like they were having a lesson, actually. A quiver rested against her calf, and the boy held an arrow across his palms.

I couldn’t make out exactly what the lesson was about because as soon as we had stepped into the clearing, Variel saw us and nodded to the boy to dismiss him. “That’s enough for tonight, Fengan.” He quickly put his things away and grabbed the quiver from her.

“This is Lana then?” She asked as we came closer. I could make out a hint of accent in Variel’s voice, something that wasn’t at all like the Welsh-sounding accents of the others. It wasn’t very strong, but it was noticeable. She was a bit darker skinned than most of the clan, though not as dark as Theron, and her hair held darker undertones. Her vallaslin looked different from the others I had seen as well, it was more angular, though no less beautiful. It looked like a different style. Perhaps she was originally from a different clan? Did Vallaslin differ from clan to clan? It seemed quite possible, but of course I wouldn’t have been able to tell from the video games.

I missed Theron’s response as I pondered, but was brought back to my senses as Variel spoke again, “Alright, let’s go have a wash then. Creek’s this way.” She picked up a bundle of things that had been on the ground on the other side of the boulder and then lead me away from the clearing as Fengan and Theron headed back to camp in the opposite direction.

The creek wasn’t very far at all; I could hear it once we left the clearing behind us, and within a few minutes I saw it. Variel remained quiet until we reached it, but broke the silence once she started to undo the buckles on her armor, “So, you are from where? The Keeper has not said much about you.”

I wasn’t expecting the question, but thankfully I thought more about my story while I’d been in the aravel”Near Orzammar. I lived in a remote village that had some trade with the dwarves.”

“You’ve seen _durgen’len_ then?” she asked, curiosity in her voice.

“You haven’t?” I’d be lying if I said yes, wouldn’t I? Technically, I’d seen dwarves, but only on the computer screen. I wasn’t quite sure pixilated Oghren and Varric really counted.

Variel shook her head. “No, I have seen one of those horned guys though, Qunari?” She undid the last buckle and removed her armor before quickly working on her clothes underneath. She seemed to realize then that I hadn’t started undressing. “Well go on then, if we don’t bathe now it will be too cold by time we’re finished.”

I blushed out of embarrassment. I hadn’t even realized I’d just been standing there dumbly. I quickly worked on getting undressed, which wasn’t very hard. The dress had a few clasps, but was easy enough to undo, and the leggings came off easily.

I realized rather quickly that they must have been much warmer than they looked because as soon as I was without them, I was freezing.

Variel instructed me to wash them with some soap she had in her bundle as we got into the water. Creek wasn’t quite the term I would’ve used for it, as we were able to submerge ourselves up to our waists, but nonetheless. I scrubbed at the cloth before handing the soap back to Variel. We passed it back and forth then as we washed until we were both cleaned enough and chilled enough that we felt it was time to get out.

She handed me something to dry off with as we got out of the water, and as she did so I went to place my clothing over a nearby branch to hopefully dry a bit. Well, that was what I was _planning_ on doing after I wrung them out, but as I held the cloth in my hands it seemed to warm and dry within seconds. After the last drop of water had dripped off, it seemed to be as dry as before I’d undressed.

“You have enchanted clothes? How did you get your hands on those?” Variel asked, looking over her shoulder to see what I had stopped for.

I didn’t know how to respond as I had no idea why I would have enchanted clothing. It explained why’d I’d felt so warm wearing so little at least, but I had no idea where they could’ve come from. I’d been in a _forest_ , for crying out loud. Ignoring the fact that I’d been wearing jeans and a flannel before I came to Thedas, it just didn’t make sense.

Where was this body from? The thought made me cringe, ‘this body’ as if it weren’t my own. I felt a wave of panic hit me. I looked down at my hands holding the fabric, and for the first time I really wondered, was I me? Was this body mine? My eyes focused on my wrist then. There was my birthmark, a dark circular shape I’d had since forever. It was so familiar that I always seemed to forget about it. In that moment, I couldn’t have been more thankful for it. It grounded me back to reality.

I felt Variel’s hand on my shoulder, through the cloth I’d draped over myself to dry off with. I tensed instinctually, but let my shoulder drop as soon as I realized, though Variel shifted away as soon as she felt the tension. “Are you alright? I didn’t mean to…well, I’ve been through some things in my time. Bad things. I didn’t mean to bring something unpleasant up.”

I nodded. I wasn’t sure what to say, and I still had no explanation to give her. However, Variel quickly broke the tension. “Looks like we won’t be getting frostbite tonight then, that’s nice.” She was already dressed from clothes she’d taken out of her pack, so I did my best to dress quickly. My hair was a different matter, but I tried to wring it out as best I could before brushing it back away from my face. It would take a while to dry.

“You’re joking, right?” I asked as I started to dress. My dress hung loosely, but the enchantment worked well and I felt quite comfortable even as I worked to get the leggings back on.

Variel raised her eyebrow in response. “Am I?” Her straight face melted into laughter after a second though. “No we’re fine, Solace is usually a safe bet, though it _is_ getting late. If it were Kingsway or Harvestmere it would be a different story.”

I had to fight down the irrational nerves I felt at hearing the month, Solace. It was pronounced differently, but _of course_ it made me think of Solas, presumably because my mind hated me. I shoved the unnerved feeling away and tucked in the end of my left wrapping with shaking hands before standing up quickly. A little too quickly, I realized, as I was left lightheaded.

Variel steadied me with an arm around my shoulders. “A bit quick there. Maybe don’t do that till you’ve fully recovered? Keeper would kill me if I let you pass out on my watch.” There was a teasing lilt to her voice that made me smile. “Alright, let’s get back to camp. Dinner is probably ready by now.”

My stomach took that moment to make a loud growling sound that made Variel laugh as she picked up her pack and started to guide us back through the forest in the direction of the main camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Aravel = Dalish landship  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Durgen'len = Dwarves
> 
> I made a tumblr for this + other Dragon Age things! So you can find me @faded--for-her on tumblr. I even made a whole page dedicated to clan Sabrae (that may be edited and updated as we go along, it's on the side bar). 
> 
> Anyway, thanks you so much to everyone who's commented, given kudos, and bookmarked! You guys rock!


	6. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Six

By the time we reached camp, most of the clan had gathered around the fire. There were probably a little less than thirty people in all, and all but a handful had vallaslin decorating their faces. I wouldn’t have known what to do around so many strangers, but thankfully Tamlen beckoned us over to where he was sitting beside Theron and Merrill. A few moments later, after seeing us settle down, Fenarel made his way over to us from across the fire with a wave.

We talked amongst ourselves as food started to be passed around and Merrill offered to help me dry and braid my wet hair with a bit of magic. I made a mental note to have her teach me the drying technique.

The elders were the first to get their share of dinner, followed by the children, and then by the rest of the clan. Soon enough, the six of us were holding bowls of stew that had cooled just enough to eat. I picked up quite a bit of gossip in the time it took for food to circulate, though I was sure I’d hear more before the meal was done.

Apparently one of the hunter apprentices had hurt himself on a hunting expedition the day before and was healing up with the Hearthmistress, whom I was inclined to believe was the main healer of the clan, and her apprentices in one of the aravels near where they sat. I’d seen a man come and grab a few bowls before slipping away, so I assumed he’d been sent by her.

I felt bad for the hunter apprentice. Though he was set to be fine in a few days, Theron had pointed out where his twin brother was sitting by the fire. He had a worried look on his face that was accompanied by hunched shoulders. He obviously wasn’t taking his brother’s injury well.

Besides that, and finding me a few days before, there had been some trade with a human settlement that was relatively close by, a day or so by halla, where Master Ilen had learned of another Dalish clan that had recently passed through the area, within the last few months. It appeared that clan Sabrae had only relocated to this clearing about a week or two ago. Very timely for me, it seemed.

I wondered what would’ve happened to me if they hadn’t moved here when they did, but then I had to backtrack. It was difficult for me, thinking of it that way, as if _this_ was inevitable. It made it real in a way I wasn’t sure I was ready for yet.

I had drowned out those thoughts in the more mundane, daily musings of the people around me that followed the mention of trade. One of the hunters had found she was with child recently. I realized it was the one who’d been baiting Tamlen earlier, Rina. I’d been right about her and Junar it seemed, they already had two children, both still too young to be apprentices.

Hunting was going better than expected for the time of year as well, which the clan saw as a good omen for Rina’s pregnancy.

It was late summer, quickly approaching autumn, probably around the same time it had been on Earth. The day I’d found myself here had been September 12th. It’d been a Monday, sometime around four o’clock. It was weird to think about it. The juxtaposition between this world and a name and date off the Gregorian calendar. I decided that I should do my best to keep track of the days.

Here, it was Solace…something, it didn’t seem like the Dalish were too strict on adhering to the Thedosian calendar, but they at least knew it from their interactions with humans. It was how Variel had known, I assumed. I was sure it made it easier to keep track of Arlathvhens that way. After all, I doubted that a clan wandering the frigid forests of Southern Ferelden would follow nearly the same time schedule as those roaming the arid deserts of Northern Nevarra.

I let my mind continue to wander with the chatter, but always somehow it seemed to draw back to comparing Thedas to Earth. It was hard not to. It had been nearly a week, five days, but it was still hard to take this seriously. In a way, it was easier for me to assume this was temporary, some weird dream-like state I’d awaken from at some point. That was the logical thing to think, right?

If this were a real place, then first, I would’ve needed some way to be transported here. Second, there would have to be some explanation for how this had all been written as a story on Earth. I guessed that if either of those things existed they would be tied to the other, but I hadn’t found any evidence for either yet.

My attention was shifted to the people around me once more when Marethari stood up before the clan. I suddenly felt as if I was in a class back at uni as hush fell around me.  

The keeper smiled as she gained everyone’s attention. “Before we ask Sylaise’s blessing of our meal, we have the fortune of welcoming a new addition to our clan. I have told you of the girl Theron and Tamlen brought back, and tonight she is well enough to sit with us.”

The faces around me that had been focused on Marethari turned in my direction then. To have so many people staring at me, as if I were something alien and strange made me want to shield myself behind Theron’s form beside me, but I did my best to not flinch.

Ashalle must have noticed my discomfort because she spoke up then and drew the eyes away from me, “We welcome you Ellana, it is always good to see a child return to her people. And tonight will be a special treat, the da’len’en will be singing for us.” She nodded to where several children sat beside her and the man who they’d been listening to earlier. “But first, since Devehari cannot join us, the blessing.”

She stood up and smiled the smallest fraction before closing her eyes and speaking in a quick, lilting breath. It sounded distinctly different from English, but I swore I could make out a few words.

As I focused, the words became clearer. It was a prayer to Sylaise. It was the strangest sensation that took over me. It wasn’t like I was listening to French and parsing meanings, or even like listening to my native English. It was something stronger, but still somehow removed from me. I knew what it all meant, but I didn’t know _how._ Accompanying the understanding was the nagging thought that if I were to try, I could start speaking it too, it was so familiar. The words would flow from me like a river, like music.

It was over before I could do anything, thankfully, and I came back to myself. I’d nearly started speaking along without thinking about it. As soon as the sound died on Ashalle’s lips, chatter sprung up from the people situated around the fire. It seemed that was the cue to start eating. I didn’t join them, though, as I was still stuck on the blessing. I had been somewhere between hearing a translation and hearing the actual Elven and I had the burning desire to figure out how.

My concentration was lost, however, when Tamlen elbowed me to get my attention. I tried to shrug off the immediate sting of annoyance I felt as I turned to hear him. “You’re officially a Sabrae then, huh? Sure you’re not going to scamper off at the first chance?”

I made a face. “Have you seen human cities? So smelly.” I pinched my nose with my fingers to accentuate my point and he laughed.

“Well it’s good to know all that’s keeping you here is the forest air. Though surely my charming personality is a bonus?” He grinned.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh yeah, you caught me. When the Keeper was having me choose, the first thing I thought was ‘but if I leave I’ll be deprived of Tamlen’s humor’.”

“Then I’m surprised you stayed,” Theron added in from beside me.

Tamlen rolled his eyes with an expression of mock exasperation, and I grinned. “You know, templars are such a drag. Where else will I get my laughs? It was a toss-up.” Theron nodded solemnly in response and I laughed.

Merrill looked interested at this. “Are there very many templars in Denerim?”

I thought about it for a second, but I couldn’t remember if there had been. Obviously in Kirkwall there were, so it was probably similar, though Kirkwall also housed its own circle so maybe not. “I’m not sure actually. I’ve never been there before; I was just hoping for the best. It…may not have been the best choice.”

“At least one can get lost in a city. I’m sure you could hide from them in the Alienage, but I doubt it would be a happy existence,” Fenarel said. He’d been speaking with Variel, but apparently our conversation had pulled his attention.

“A beautiful young girl like you? I’m glad you found us. Shemlen are pigs, especially those with power,” Variel said. Her brows were furrowed and there was an undercurrent of pain in her voice that hadn’t been there when we spoke earlier. I didn’t have to imagine where it came from.

I nodded, not wanting to make light of whatever she was remembering. “Yes, it’s very fortunate that I was in this forest.” Then I added, as an afterthought, to all of them, “Hopefully I can pay back your kindness in letting me stay.”

Tamlen smiled. “As much as we’re glad you’re here. It was really the keeper’s decision. If one of the Hahren had disagreed, then there would’ve been more to it, but they generally approve of her decisions.”

“Why did she let me stay?” I couldn’t help asking. “She knows hardly anything about me.”

Theron shook his head. “She didn’t say.”

“She’s a good judge of character though. Maybe she saw something in you,” Tamlen added. I could see the respect in his eyes. He was obviously taking the keeper’s word for it, but Theron was unreadable. I wondered if there was history there.

I shrugged off my concern. If there was something there and he wanted to share, he would’ve. Instead I smiled back at Tamlen, “I can only hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Da'len'en = Children; Apprentices
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos, and bookmarked. Really, every time I get a notification from here it makes my day. You guys are so wonderful!


	7. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Seven

After we had finished eating, the man that I guessed was Hahren Paivel stood up with the children, though he didn’t immediately call the attention of the clan.

I was leaning back on a log, still sitting with my new friends as the fire burned low. We’d continued on to different topics, and I’d been content to sit back and listen for the most part. It was nice to be around people who’d known each other for forever. The dynamic was something I wasn’t used to. It was somewhere between siblings and school friends. It made me miss my brother, though I tried to hold those feelings back. I’d done my best to avoid thoughts about my family so far. I wanted to enjoy this, at least for the time being.

I was still in awe of it all. It was slightly different when it came to Theron, Fenarel, and Variel because they weren’t faces I was used to. But when it came to Tamlen and Merrill? It was surreal. I’d seen art and pictures of the both of them more times than I could count, and yet nothing could capture them in the flesh as they were here, vibrant and quirky and awkward people who had memories, fears, dreams, motivations, people they loved and hated. They were _alive_.

I wanted to get to know them, and though it wasn’t really a new sensation, it was strange that for the first time I knew I actually had the opportunity. For as long as this lasted.

I looked over to the children then because I felt the shift that meant the Hahren was about to speak. I was not wrong.

“We sing these songs, that have been passed down since Elvhenan and the Dales, to remember those that came before us and to honor our gods,” he started and a hush fell around the camp as it had before, though this one not so readily.

“We always strive to remember our culture, so it is only fitting that we share it with our new daughter as she returns to her heritage.” I felt a thrill of excitement at his words, but at the same time I felt like a liar. _I’m not really an elf, am I?_ I tried to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. They were going to realize I was just a pretender at some point, that I didn’t belong here, weren’t they?

Thankfully, he didn’t mention me again as he faced the children. There were five of them in all, presumably six when all of them were well. The oldest looking one took a step forward and spoke to the clan. It was the boy, Fengan, from the clearing. “The first song celebrates our mother of justice, Mythal.” He peeked out of the corner of his eyes over to the Hahren, so I guessed he was a little bit nervous. The Hahren nodded for him to continue.

The song started out quietly, though beneath the childish voices was the deep rumble of Hahren Paivel guiding the da’len’en along.

I was captivated as they began to sing louder. It was a solemn song only lightened by the children’s young voices. It was in Elven, and as before I felt the strange sensation of hearing it both as it was and in English. I focused less on that, this time, and more on the meaning behind the words.

The words flowed together, back and forth, catching every now and then on a sudden phrase. The effect was not lost on me. The verses moved like a wave in the sea, churning and constant, and below the children, Paivel sang the richest notes that rumbled in the deep. The words reflected Mythal’s rise from the sea. I could feel its meaning just as well as I could hear it in the words.

The children’s voices crescendoed then as Mythal was born. The high, piercing notes promised something I couldn’t name; they rejoiced in the beautiful woman rising up from the tears of the Earth. She saw the destruction that had been wreaked on the Earth and was clear in her duty.  

Mythal approached the raging figure of Elgar’nan and then the voices decrescendoed to a gentle whisper as she laid her palm on his brow and calmed his unending fury. Paivel’s guiding voice spoke for Elgar’nan as he realized what he had done to the world in his anger. He vowed to speak with the sun, and did so, allowing his father to leave his Earthly prison during the day.

The notes rose as the Earth thanked Mythal for calming its son and bringing back the light of day. Life would not crumble so long as Mythal were there to protect and defend it. As a reminder, Mythal created the moon from the ground where the sun slept.

The song came to a close then, as quickly as it had started, with the final words, “Betrayed was the world, until Mythal brought it the first justice. The last justice will be hers as well.”

A shudder ran along my spine as the words of the last verse rang through my head, the Elven and English intertwining. It hadn’t sounded sinister, but still I was unable to shake it from my mind.

However, I was not given much time to contemplate the beautiful melody and haunting words before the children began their next song.

The second song was much less serious and before the first few verses were up the rest of the clan had joined in. It sounded like a folk song of some kind, not in the same idiom as the former, and I wondered if maybe it was from Halamshiral instead of Elvhenan. It certainly portrayed no great creation myth.

The night continued on in that way from there and I was swept along by each song, yet Mythal’s final verse never left my thoughts.

* * *

I was drifting through an endless sea. The sky above me was a blue only possible in the height of summer, but my skin had yet to burn.

The only sounds in my ears were the movement of water and a quiet melody somewhere in the distance, something so constant it could’ve been the waves themselves.

The world around me was so bright, almost too bright, just like the hottest days of my childhood. It reminded me of one of those times I’d gone to the beach in Florida where my grandma used to live. She’d had my brother and I lather on the sunscreen before even thinking about getting in the water, and then we’d spend the whole day out there. Maybe eat a sandwich on the beach around noon before getting right back in. The salty water never mixed well with peanut butter and jelly, but we hadn’t minded too much.

Now I laid here, bobbing along with the tide, without a care in the world. I didn’t see Danny or grandma anywhere, but I wasn’t too concerned with it. I was so comfortable, embraced by the water and the sky as I was.

I felt like I was drifting in and out of sleep, everything was just a little too fuzzy, a little too quiet. I tried to focus on the pull of the waves, but my brain fought against me. I was so tired. The world around me was growing quieter and the melody was straining. I could feel the sleeping draught working its effects as my eyes closed again and the water ceased to surround me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Da'len'en = Children; Apprentices
> 
> You guys are awesome. Just wanted to let you know!


	8. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Eight

It was a few days later that the Keeper visited me in the aravel. I’d been allowed to walk around during the day, talk to the clan members I had met, spend time with the halla, even help with preparation for mealtimes, though I still took the herbal remedies for the day and the draughts that kept me from the Fade at night. Fortunately, they both seemed to be working. I could feel my strength returning slowly. The Keeper and Hearthmistress both seemed optimistic about my quick recovery.

It was early in the morning when the curtain parted to reveal Marethari’s lean form. She greeted me as she walked in.

I was just finishing up with the laces on my boots, and as soon as I’d tied them up properly I stood up and smiled at her, “How can I help you Keeper?”

Her eyes regarded me for a moment, as if assessing me. “If you are feeling well, we may begin your lessons today.”

My polite smile grew genuine with enthusiasm at her proposal. “Yes, I would love to!” I couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled up in me. I’d wanted to try doing magic again ever since the first time I’d tried, but I had kept my word to the Keeper and had not attempted to do so since.

She laughed at my eagerness and I could see how her smile reached her eyes. Maybe she was just relieved that I wasn’t afraid of magic like most city elves would be. “We will start with the basics then.”

She gestured for me to follow her as she exited the aravel. It was early enough that we only passed a couple of hunters, Shalva and Ariasa, as we made our way out of the camp. They bid us good morning before we went our separate ways.

Marethari lead us just beyond the edge of camp, past the guarding Fen’Harel statue, into a small clearing of trees. She dropped gracefully down onto the ground and crossed her legs, motioning for me to do the same. Once we were facing each other she reached out her hands. After a moment of hesitation I placed my own atop hers.

“First we must locate the veil. With caution.” I could tell she added on the last part in reference to what had happened in the aravel the week before. “It is easier when there is active magic.” She pulled one of her hands back and a second later a flame leapt to life in her palm. “Can you feel the energy? You may have to concentrate for several moments now. Eventually, it will come as naturally as breathing.”

I could feel it strongly as soon as the flame appeared, each flicker drawing out the strange song of magic that I had become accustomed to, so I nodded. “I can feel it.” Then I asked, “The flame uses magic as its fuel instead of wood, and you have to pull from it each time it starts to die down, right?” I could feel how the song was in constant fluctuation.

She gave me a look somewhere between surprised and skeptical. “Very perceptive. Do you also feel how I draw it through?”

I concentrated on her aura. The ethereal, shimmering threads of the veil were there as they had been before, and I could feel how they formed around the magic that ran through her. She pulled at the threads of song, and they clung to her aura like a spoon dragged through honey. “Yes, you manipulate the veil.” It was very different from how I had tried. She brought the veil along with the magic whereas I had tried to siphon out the magic through the cracks; I could see now how that had been a problem, but I couldn’t help but be a little confused. It had felt right. I had felt so _real_.

“Very good.” Her reply shook me from my reverie. “Can you feel how the magic interacts with my own?”

I tilted my head as I concentrated again. The first hint was the sound of the fire. It’s song had changed somewhat from that of the veil. The whispering voices had quieted subtly and the notes seemed to have adjusted to Marethari in some way; they had become unique to her.  

At the same time, I could feel a presence budding in the fire. At first, I thought that maybe it was the interaction of Marethari’s magic with the veil, but then I realized after a moment what it actually was. She’d brought small pieces of the Fade with her. They made the flame brighter and different in some way from normal, physical fire. It was a similar kind of presence to what I had felt when I had first met Curiosity and Remembrance. There was an inkling of sentience to it.

I pushed this observation away as I focused back on how the sound shifted when it had interacted with her. I could feel the veil still, I could hear its song as I concentrated, but it was at a dissonance with the song coming from the flames. I looked back up to Marethari’s eyes. “I don’t understand. Where does your magic come from? I can feel there’s a difference but…” I trailed off.

Her eyes crinkled, maybe in amusement, I couldn’t quite tell. “You are working in the right direction.” She let the fire extinguish in her palm and brought her hand back to mine. “Pay attention to what you feel,” she said, nodding towards our interlocked hands, before a sort of pulse coursed through my palms, from her, and up into me. It felt almost like a breath, riddled with the quiet song of Marethari’s magic, but it reached for something inside of me.

A strange sensation blossomed out from my chest. It wasn’t painful, but instead illuminating. I breathed in a gasp, but I felt more than just air enter my lungs. It was almost like the feeling of drinking water after eating a mint, that strange cold expanding feeling, except it kept spreading with each breath until I realized it wasn’t coming from the breath itself. It was whatever magic she had used. It made a path through me straight to some place I couldn’t name. It wasn’t a sensation I had felt before.

“What do you feel?” Marethari prompted me then. Her hands had relaxed with mine, but there was still a connection between us. She was still casting whatever spell it was.

It took me a second to respond as I took in a deep breath. “It’s…strange.” I paused. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like there’s something inside of me, above my heart yet not. It’s not really there. It’s not a place, but it feels different than the rest of me.”

She nodded. “Yes. Focus on that feeling.” Then she asked, “Have you heard of mana before?”

“I’ve heard the term,” I replied as I tried to focus on whatever it was. It felt like the Fade in a way and it had its own aura to it, its own song. It was sweeter than the music of the veil, less haunting. I wanted to picture it as some glowing, blue center, but that wasn’t really what it was.

Marethari turned over one of my hands so that my palm faced the sky and traced a pattern over it with her index finger. “Mana is your own personal deposit of magic. It does not come directly from the beyond, but it is a product of it.” My palm began to tingle as she removed her finger. She place her hand underneath mine and held it up for me to see.

She had traced a rune of some kind and as it was completed it began to glow a pale green. As the light grew in intensity it shifted and took on a more golden tone. It whispered just as the other spells had, but this time I could hear the distinct shift from her song to mine as the light grew. After the rune had lit up, the glowing lines began to creep up my arm. My eyes widened in surprise, but Marethari squeezed my other hand as if to tell me not to worry.

The lines made a curling path up my arm and to my shoulder. I could see the glow through my thin dress as they then moved across my chest to stop just at the tip of my breastbone, exactly where I had felt the magic resonate from. “That’s it.” I gaped as the light shined intensely for a moment before quickly fading altogether.

The Keeper’s lips had twisted into a smile by the time I looked up at her. “Yes, that is the center of your mana. You will feel it whenever you cast a spell. But be careful, if you overexert yourself, you will need to access the unveiled beyond to replenish it.”

“So it replenishes when I dream then?” I asked, and she nodded. “How convenient.”

“You may rethink that stance if faced against angry Sylvans. They will not award you time to sleep in the middle of battle.” Her tone was serious, but I could tell she knew I was only joking. Still, she had a good point.

“Are there ways to conserve it effectively?” I asked.

She nodded and smiled once more, though this time it looked to be a mix of amusement and…pride perhaps. “Of course, _da’len_ , though it will be some time before you learn battle magic.”

I laughed. “Oh? But I will learn it?” I couldn’t help being a little cheeky.

Her eyes crinkled again, and this time I could tell it was definitely because she was amused. “That is still to be seen.” She gestured towards our sitting posture. “If you continue to interrupt every lesson so, it may be quite a while.”

I grinned sheepishly. “I apologize, Keeper, can you forgive my impertinence?”

She nodded. “Of course, _if_ you can answer my original question. Do you now know how your magic, or mine, interacts with the magic pulled from the veil?”

I frowned, because in all honesty I still wasn’t sure. My brows furrowed as I searched for an explanation. “The magic…does it…” I paused for a moment as I collected my thoughts. “Our mana, is it what we use to access the veil? If we need the magic from beyond the veil to manifest anything physically, then that has to be the use of our mana right? It bridges the gap?”

“Yes. Very good.” She smiled brightly, and I felt warmth in my chest at her praise. She seemed to contemplate something for a moment. She let my hands drop into my lap as she pulled hers back. Then she spoke, “You sensed the veil very quickly. Would you like to try accessing it now?” I nodded eagerly, so she added, “Do not attempt any spell, just see if you can access it with your mana. It should not be too difficult now that you know where to look.”

“I’ll do my best,” I replied before taking a deep breath. I wasn’t too worried now that I knew what I had been doing wrong the first time.

The song that had been busy in my head throughout the entire morning seemed farther away now that I tried to pull it closer. I closed my eyes because it felt like the thing to do, and somehow it was easier to see the veil that way. The threads were woven together as before, moving gently in their own imperceptible breeze, brushing up against my aura.

I realized then. It wasn’t brushing against me at all. No, it was the reverse. I’d reached out unconsciously, the magic was glittering there in the air, just waiting for my permission to be released. I didn’t search for the cracks this time, but I could still feel them almost imperceptibly. I ignored them this time, trying to picture the veil as a whole, something I could connect to and guide towards me.

I reached out then, drawing from that place in my chest and feeling as the sensation danced into my fingertips, my hand rose as if to pull the veil to me physically.

I felt it the instance that my mana touched the magic of the Fade, like a spark. It was vivid and bright like I remembered, and the song grew, with my own notes added in this time. I felt the same rushing feeling as it filled my head and everything around me began to fade.

The notes were light and shimmering at first, there was a sweetness, a softness, that came from my song. I expected it to sound jarring against the haunting, whispering sound of the Fade, but the combination sounded almost nostalgic.

Before I knew what I was doing I was reaching for more, trying to feel the magic that had pooled on the other side of the veil. There weren’t any spirits, but I could feel something. Something full of life just on the other side.

I pushed just a little more and then I was radiant and ethereal, like before, so quickly caught in the power and otherworldliness of the magic as it spilled over into me.

The song was no longer quiet and nostalgic. The haunting notes rapidly grew in volume until the song was insurmountable. It was all I could hear. My ability to think straight ceased in that moment and my chest pounded, whether from the magic or my beating heart, I didn’t know. I yearned for the song to be louder still, for it to take over completely, but it stayed just beyond the breaking point.

And then I crashed. Again. But this time it all went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Aravel = Dalish landship  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."
> 
> Thank you all of you that have given kudos, commented, and bookmarked. I always appreciate your support so much!! Every time I get a notification for this story I get so happy. Thank you to anyone whose stuck with this story since the beginning as well, even with my terribly long hiatus. You guys rock!!


	9. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter Nine!
> 
> Just a warning: If you're triggered by reading about panic attacks, you may want to skip the second part of this. There is some information about Lana's family in it, but I just want you guys to stay okay!! It starts after the first horizontal line, and it ends sometime before the second.

Voices stirred me. I could hear the light sounds, words, I thought I caught a word but it wound up all mush. 

I felt hazy, and I tried to open my eyes, but it was too heavy.

I failed.

I was too tired.

I pushed the sound away, it was annoying.   
  
I just wanted to close my eyes, but they were already closed. It needed to be darker, buried away.

The sound was still there, it was buzzing.

Muck, mute, mush, mumble. Muh.

I slipped back under.

Sometime later I woke again but heard nothing.

I felt something, I knew someone was there, but it took me several moments to really come to.

It was dark, but my eyes were still closed. I opened them and it was still dark. I couldn’t see my company, but I could hear them breathing just at the foot of my bed. I wondered what time it was, I couldn’t find the glow of my clock. The battery had probably died.

“Danny?” I whispered. He had probably had a bad dream or wanted to talk about a video game or something. He didn’t usually come into my room at night, but it happened every now and again. Not so often now that I was here only for the weekends, it must not be that late. Had I taken an early nap?

I searched around for my phone and almost fell to the ground. I must’ve rolled to the edge of the bed.

Warm arms kept me from falling. “Lana, careful.” The voice was familiar, but it wasn’t my brother. My head was still a bit foggy as I tried to remember who it would be. I felt like I should pull away but my limbs were numb.

“Danny?” I repeated stupidly because I couldn’t find my words.

“It’s Theron. You need to rest a little longer.” My brows drew together at the name, but I didn’t know why. Theron?

But he was right, and as soon as my head hit the pillow again I could feel myself drifting off. 

_Goodnight._

* * *

When I woke up again, the world was crisp and I blinked my eyes open. I was awake within moments.

As I began to sit up I saw a familiar figure sitting at the end of the cot. “Theron?” I asked, confused, but then fragmented memories pulled at my thoughts. “What happened? Why don’t I remember coming back here?” I patted the cot I sat in, trying to ground myself, and looked down to see that my dress had twisted around me in my sleep. The back of my neck was cold with sweat. 

He raised his head, he had almost looked as if he were sleeping, before training his eyes on me. “The Keeper says your magic is volatile. She had to subdue you. You passed out.”

I frowned. “All I can remember is going to the clearing, and then…” The memories all spilled across my vision. “Oh.”

“You were out for two days,” he said, and there was something strange in his voice.

I was quiet for a moment as I tried to piece things together. What had gone wrong? What was wrong with me? I glanced down at my hands. “What is the Keeper saying about…it isn’t normal, is it?” I asked.

He shook his head. “She’s been speaking with Devehari and the Hahren.” I looked up at him then, but he looked away. “It isn’t good _lethallan_.” His voice was quiet, gentle, the endearment mournful.

“Oh,” was all I could manage. Two weeks and I already managed to get myself kicked out of Sabrae. Wow.

I didn’t know what to do with that information. What was happening?

I could feel the building tension in my chest and I breathed in deeply to try to offset it, but I knew it was no use. It hit me so suddenly.

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes trying to stifle the feeling behind them, the chaos in my head. It wasn’t working even as I curled up into myself.

My breathing started coming too fast. In. Out. In. Out. I could hear my heartbeat, but it felt weird, offset. It wasn’t me.

I was going to be sick.

Something warm touched my arm. The contact startled me and I flinched away from it, scrambling back. I hit something hard, but I didn’t really feel it.

I tried to hold back the tears. I clenched my eyes tighter. My jaw tighter. Tighter, tighter, tighter. I wrapped my arms around myself to stop the shaking. I could barely feel it.

I wanted to scream. Nothing would come out. My jaw had locked up.

I was screaming and it wasn’t making sound. Everything was so tight.

My face was wet.

She was crying. No, me. It was me. My thoughts were blurring. _What’s happening. Where am I? Why can’t I…_

_Who is she?_

_What’s going on? You need to stop. I need to stop. Stop. Stop. Please._

She was rocking back and forth. Rocking and shaking. Who was she?

“Tell me about Danny.” A warm voice broke through. It confused her.

Danny? She tried to think about Danny. _Who is Danny?_

Her brother.

“Is he older or younger?”

She tried to remember. I tried to remember. It was me.

He’s younger.

“How old is he?”

He’s seventeen. No, eighteen.

“Is he still back home?”

She nodded. I nodded.

Yes, he’s still back home. Danny’s home.

“What kind of things does Danny like?” the voice asked.

I tried to think. My breathing was still so fast.

_What does Danny like?_

He likes games. And puzzles. He likes learning. Star Wars. Books. Talking with me, we talked a lot.

“Can you look at me?” he asked.

_What?_ I opened my eyes. I tried. I saw Theron. He was all I could see.

He reached out a hand, and I didn’t flinch away. “That’s good. Now listen to me Lana.”

I nodded. His words were the only thing I could hear. My vision was fogging up again. My eyes were so wet, and they hurt. It was warm. The light was blurry.

“Can you tell me more about Danny? What do you remember about him?” he asked.

My breathing was slowing down, and I was able to speak. “Danny…he…his name is Daniel. He’s my best friend, I miss him.” I could feel it, that feeling of longing. It hurt. My chest was already so tight. Everything was tight and tense. Why couldn’t I get rid of the tightness?  

Theron’s hand stroked circles on mine. “Can you tell me about your happiest memory with him?”

I nodded slowly. I tried to pull something to mind, through the fog. “He loved to sing.” My eyes teared up as I remembered, but it felt different. “We would…we would sing together sometimes.” I laughed, it was a choked sound. “Old songs. Songs our parents knew. We’d sing them off tune, loudly, just to annoy them. Then we’d high five and giggle together. He’s so silly. I love him so much.” I could breathe. “He’s sweet too. He’s so loving. He’s not normal, but he never let that bother him. I’m so proud to be his sister. I love him.”

I was crying again, but it felt like a release not a prison. I could breathe, slowly. I missed him so much, but it felt real. _I_ missed him. I was me. I really was me. I could feel it. “He’d be crying right now too.” I laughed. I couldn’t stop talking now. I didn’t even care if it made sense. “We’d be hugging each other. He’d always say he missed me, even if I’d only been gone a day.” The tears came heavier. “I miss him so much. So much. I just want him to be here. I want to hug him. I miss Danny. I need him. I need my brother.”

I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I didn’t have to. Strong arms wrapped around me and warmth enveloped me. I clung tightly to Theron’s form and buried my face in his chest. The tears came freely, but he just held me and rubbed circles in my back. I was still shaking, but the tension was dissipating slowly.

My mind felt strange as my breathing slowed, as the tears slowed. It was hazy, foggy. I still wasn’t sure exactly where I was, when I was. How long had we been here? How long had I been crying? I tried to keep my head where it was.

I could begin to articulate what was happening.

I closed my eyes tightly against Theron’s furs. It was a panic attack, and I was disassociating. Somehow saying those words made it more real, more concrete. It made me feel more me.

I wasn’t some she. _She_ wasn’t her. She was me. I was me. I tried to grant myself a small smile. I was going to be okay. It was okay. This happened sometimes, but I was always okay afterward. Eventually. 

I didn’t remind myself of why it had happened in the first place because I wasn’t calm enough to handle it. I was still shaking, and my eyes still prickled. My face was still wet with tears. I just needed to remind myself. It would be okay.

I kept up the mantra in my head.

“I understand. I miss my sister.” The words were so soft that I almost didn’t hear them.

I pulled away enough to look up at Theron’s face. He was staring somewhere across the room, but he looked down to meet my gaze. “You have a sister?” I asked.

He nodded. “I did.” He didn’t have to say it. Only two words and I understood. It took him a moment to continue. I could see how difficult it was by the set of his jaw. “It doesn’t go away. That feeling. But, eventually other feelings come and they help cushion the sadness, the longing. Other people will remind you of them, they’ll help you grow, and you’ll remember how it used to be. But it won’t hurt so deeply anymore.” His eyes searched my face, looking for something, I didn’t know what.

I frowned instinctually. It hurt so badly, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to forget that pain. That would mean he was really gone.

He shouldn’t be gone. I thought of what he must be feeling right now. He had no idea where I went. The tears were prickling again. I looked down at my hands, wringing them together. “I left him, Theron. I don’t think I can forgive myself for that. He doesn’t know why I left.”

Theron placed his hands on my shoulders, startling me. I looked up at him again. “Lana. If it isn’t evident by now, you had no choice.” He brought his hands down to hold mine, and my fingers curled around his. “He loves you. Just remember that.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about at this point. My lies were all jumbled up in my head with the truth. But he was still right. The bus had crashed. I had wound up here. But I didn’t chose for that to happen. Right? I wouldn’t have left him on purpose. Of course I wouldn’t. I would’ve brought him with me.

“Thank you,” I said. Maybe it was a bit prematurely, I could still feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. I was trying to keep them from spilling. I wasn’t okay yet, but I wanted him to know it was helping. “I know it isn’t easy to…”

He shushed me, and pulled me back into a hug. 

I could tell he was hanging on just as tight this time.

* * *

It was sometime later when the canvas flap was pulled back. Theron and I had sat like that until we were both calm, and then we had talked some. Mostly we just sat in comfortable silence.

I looked up to see who had entered, but I already knew who it was. It looked like my fate was decided now, if the set of Marethari’s brow were any indication.  

I looked over sharply to Theron. He was going to leave and I was suddenly not sure if I’d be okay on my own facing the Keeper. “Theron, please…”

Marethari waved a hand as if to still my panic. “He may stay, da’len. I have news for both of you.” Her voice wasn’t what I expected. I had anticipated anger, not…whatever this was. She seemed wary, conflicted.

“Both of us?” I asked, confused.

She simply nodded before drawing a chair over to the cot and sitting gracefully. Her gaze captured mine then and I couldn’t look away. “I have spoken with the Hahren.” She let that hang in the air for only a moment. “They believe you are a great danger to the clan, but I managed to sway them.”

My heart lifted at those words. It wasn’t what I had expected. “Oh, Keeper, thank you—“ I started, but she cut me off with the dip of her lips, the smallest frown. I felt my blood go cold.

“There is a condition, a journey that must be taken first, and it is not something I ask lightly. You may accept this offer and the danger it brings, or you may deny it and leave the clan. The choice is yours, da’len. I urge that you think it over carefully,” she said. The tightness was back in my chest, but not full-fledged like before.

“What is it?” I couldn’t ask fast enough. The words burned on my tongue.

The Keeper held my gaze for a moment longer before responding, “I do not have the knowledge to teach you. There is only one who does. You must pay a visit to Asha’bellanar.” _What?!_

Theron, who had remained quiet, spoke up then. “You’re sending her to Asha’bellanar?” He sounded somewhere between surprised and angry.

“Both of you, if you are willing,” she replied. “Tamlen has also volunteered to join you,” she added, and at that he raised an eyebrow.

“How did Tamlen know?” he asked.

Marethari’s look became almost comical. “How do you think?” She deadpanned. I didn’t understand, but it was obvious Theron did.

Theron seemed to think for a moment. He had the same concentrated face that I had become accustomed to from him. Then he caught my eyes. “I will go with you Lana, if you wish it, but I am not sure it’s the best of ideas. Asha’bellanar is more dangerous than helpful. There will be a price.”

“Thank you.” I said quickly, before glancing back at Marethari. “What is the alternative -- if she doesn’t teach me and I leave the clan? My magic, how dangerous is it?”

The Keeper frowned deeply then, and I wanted to flinch away from her heavy look. “A magic like yours cannot be contained long. You may be fine for some time, but I worry that without training it may consume you. Demons will be drawn to that kind of power, but you cannot forget the threat you pose to yourself either.” She paused. “The shemlen would perform their Rite on you if they had the chance. I am sure of it.” A shiver crawled up my spine. Tranquility. I would rather die.

That made my decision for me. “I’ll go.”

I glanced over to Theron. He gave me a concerned look, but he nodded. “I will be by your side, and so will Tamlen, it seems.”

“Right.” I nodded, as if that would make my nerves dissipate. “How do we find her?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Lethallan = Kin
> 
> Thank you again for your wonderful comments, kudos, and bookmarks! 
> 
> I have a few questions this time, since I've gotten decently far into the beginning at least.  
> Is the chapter length alright? I think it's averaging around 2,600 words, which I realize is pretty short, but what do you guys think?  
> Also, how do you guys like my characterization of characters? I would love to know what you like or what you think could be improved!


	10. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Ten

“It’s so exciting! The Korcari Wilds. I’ve heard there are bandits and Sylvans and all kinds of interesting things!” Merrill exclaimed as she searched around for a stopper.

I half-watched as she dipped down to the ground, made an ‘ooh’ sound, and then swept up, stoppered bottle in hand. She stuffed it into one of the many pockets of the pack she’d put together for me. “Maybe you’ll meet a bear! A big, brown, fluffy one. I wonder if they’d like elfroot…” She rambled off as she went rummaging for some other thing that she deemed a necessity for my trip.

She’d been excited when she’d heard the news that I would get to meet Asha’bellanar. She considered it an adventure. I didn’t know why I’d been surprised. I was pretty sure she wished it was her accompanying me instead. Her duties as First wouldn’t allow her. She seemed happy for Theron and Tamlen, though, and glad that I didn’t have to go alone.

“Oh, I’ve heard they have the prettiest flowers in the Korcari Wilds!” She continued on. “Or was it the _Arbor_ Wilds? I always get them confused.” She shook her head before fishing some leafy herbs out from behind a pile of different…root-y herbs. “I made some morning potions for you. The Keeper says you don’t need the sleeping draughts, so long as you’re careful. Not practical on the road, being out cold, that is.” She turned to me then and smiled. “I can’t wait till you’re back. The three of you will have so many tales to tell!”  

I smiled back at her. “Hopefully good, non-scary, tales.” Then I gestured to the pack. “Are you sure there isn’t anything I could do to help?”

She waved me off. “No. No. I think I’ve already got everything sorted.” Then she pulled it up and presented it to me. “Keep your waterskin filled when you can. The Keeper told me to tell you that. And have fun! But not too much fun!” She leaned forward and whispered conspicuously, “The trees will get jealous.”

I laughed. “We definitely wouldn’t want that, no.” I slung the pack around onto my back before giving Merrill a quick hug. She seemed a bit surprised, but returned the hug eagerly. “Thank you so much. Hopefully, it’ll go well and I’ll see you soon.”

Merrill nodded and her expression sobered. “It will. Don’t worry. Asha’bellanar is not to be trifled with, but she did save our clan. It is a great honor to meet her. Just be careful, and you’ll be fine.”

I wasn’t so sure it was an honor I wanted, but I appreciated her words.

If anyone knew I wasn’t supposed to be here, it would be Flemeth. Even if she didn’t, there was no guarantee that she would help. Much as I loved her as a character, helping people out of the kindness of her heart wasn’t something she was known for. I knew she had only saved Sabrae in return for a future favor.

I had no idea what was going to happen, what she would ask of me. It was unsettling. But I had no choice. All I could do was hope for the best.

I gave Merrill another “thank you” before leaving the aravel. Theron and Tamlen were waiting in the clearing.

I could just make out their figures among a few others near the edge of camp. As I approached I recognized the forms of Ashalle, Paivel, Maren, Variel, and Fenarel. It was ridiculously early, the sun had yet to rise, but it would seem we’d have a modest send-off.

Tamlen saw me and waved me over with a grin. “Never an end to the excitement with you, huh?” he asked.

If he’d known me back on Earth, he’d know there was nothing further from the truth. “We’ll I’ve managed to be asleep or in bed half the time I’ve been in the camp, so I’m not sure that counts as exciting,” I joked, glancing over quickly to the others to see that they were caught up in some conversation.

He laughed and pulled my attention back. “You see, that’s what makes your waking moments all the more unpredictable.”

“Ah yes, with sleeping as my benchmark, regularly eating meals and interacting with people does sound remarkable,” I quipped.

He rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair absently. “Is this why they kicked you out of Orzammar?”

I chuckled. “Hey, I didn’t say Orzammar. If it had been Orzammar, I would’ve been kicked out much sooner.” I jabbed a finger at him. “And, just so you know, I wasn’t kicked out.” Well, actually, I guess ‘kicked out’ wasn’t all that far from the truth.

He nodded and raised his hands in surrender. “Sure, not kicked out, right.” Then he brought one hand down to partially cover his mouth and stage-whispered, “You’re not fooling me.”

“Well, seeing as I’m being kicked out now, you at least have precedent.” I tried to laugh it off, but the corners of my lips dipped down involuntarily.

It didn’t get past him. “Hey I didn’t mean it like that.” He paused. “Those dwarves didn’t know what they were missing, but it’s their loss. Our gain.” He gestured to Theron who stood a few feet away talking with the others, and then to himself.

I couldn’t help but smile a little. “Those dwarves would probably be laughing at you right now. They seem quite happy not having all this,” I waved my arms around ineffectually. “magic stuff to deal with.”

He shrugged. “Good thing we’re Dalish then. We have a thing for remembering magic stuff, or so I’m told.”

I grinned. “Oh? Not a magical historian yourself then?”

“Magic? No. Historian? Hmmm.” He shrugged again for emphasis, before returning my grin.

I crossed my arms. “So tell me then, if it’s not meeting a legendary witch, what is it you’re getting out of this ‘trip’ anyway?”

“Something tells me I couldn’t get away with answering ‘your lovely company.’” I shook my head to confirm his guess. He cupped his chin with his fingers, as if thinking, with a look of mock introspection. “Hmmm. I would say then that it’s for the opportunity to broaden my horizons, to find beauty in the mundane, to feel the strong bond of friendship and harmony.”

I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

“Or you know because I knew Theron was going to go, and there’s no way I’m letting him go without backup.”

I frowned. “Do you think he’ll need backup? Merrill seemed confident that Asha’bellanar would help.” I didn’t add that I didn’t hold the same confidence. I just wanted to know what he expected.

“Even if she will, there are more threats in those woods than just a legend; shemlen, demons, and wildlife among them,” he replied. “Ther has a thing for jumping into situations without thinking them through.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “He does? Really? I thought he thought through everything.”

Tamlen nodded. “Oh, so does he.” Then he paused, as if picking the right words. “Ther thinks, a lot, sure, but about everyone else. He thought about you, I bet, how you’d need help, so he impulsively decided to join you.”

I pushed away the weird feeling I felt at his words, not quite offended, but almost, slighted? It was silly. “Why would he do that? He hardly knows me.”

“Because he doesn’t know he does it. He’s got some Hero complex or something, I don’t know, that’s just Theron.” He shrugged. “Just…don’t mention that to him. He’s a private guy.”

“You don’t say,” I replied, but I felt weird talking about him behind his back. Literally. He only stood a few feet away, but luckily he was still in conversation with the rest of the party.

Still, everything Tamlen said held with what I knew of Theron so far. I think I was more surprised of how perceptive Tamlen was. He cared more than he let on. “Well, I’m glad you’re coming,” I added. “But it’s only because you know how to set up a camp, and I don’t.”

He chuckled. “Oh? But who says I will? I think I’ll just watch you struggle.”

“I’ll just steal your tent then. Easy,” I joked.

“Ah, so there’ll be some entertainment on this trip after all,” he responded wryly.

“You don’t think I could?” I asked.

He shook his head. “You can certainly try.”

“Sounds like a challenge,” I fired back.

“Starting the friendly competition already?” I looked away from Tamlen to see Theron walking over to us, and apparently catching the end of our banter. “We’ve yet to even leave the camp.”

“Well we have two weeks, might as well start now,” Tamlen replied.

I winced. “It’s really that far to the Wilds? I thought you were exaggerating yesterday.”

“It’s only ten days to the Wilds, if we make good time,” Theron supplied. “Finding Asha’bellanar is the difficult part. She may lead us to her, or we may get lost in the marshes.”

I frowned. Those chances sounded…grim. “If we don’t find her?” I asked. I didn’t really want to know the answer.

“We’ll probably all die a horrible death, and get the shit beat out of us by Sylvans.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Really, Tamlen, that’s how you see it working out?”

“More dramatic that way,” he replied.

“Well in that case, I’ll just do my pass out thing and rip a hole in the veil, and she’s bound to find us,” I deadpanned, since we were going with the non-helpful solutions.

Theron’s lips twitched, though he didn’t quite smile. “It wouldn’t have much effect. The Wilds are already full of spirits, they barely have a veil to begin with, if the stories are true.”

I probably wasn’t supposed to be excited about that.

Thankfully, I was saved from a response by the arrival of the Keeper and the Hearthmistress. They had exited the Keeper’s aravel and were headed towards us, and, as soon as the others saw them, conversation ceased.

“You three are ready for your departure?” Marethari asked as she reached us.

We each nodded, and she gave us a long look before pulling something out from a pouch on her hip. It was hard to see in the low-lighting what it was, but as she stepped forward I saw a flash of silver.

She took Theron’s hand and placed it in his palm before closing his fingers around it with her own. “I trust you will keep this safe,” she said. He inclined his head, and she smiled faintly. “Once you’re through the Brecilian Passage, place it on your finger and you will be sure to find your way.”

So it was a ring, and most likely a magical one.

Then she stepped over to me. “I wish you luck da’len. This quest is not an easy one, but it is my belief that you will accomplish much. Mythal protect you.” I had to bite back a sudden laugh at the irony of her choice of deity.

“Thank you Keeper,” I replied. I almost couldn’t believe that we were really leaving. Standing here in the darkness reminded me of all of the many trips to Florida when I was little, packing up the car in the early morning chill. Of course, this particular trip consisted of walking for miles upon miles to possibly meet a grisly death, so it didn’t have quite the same appeal. “I’ll make sure they come home safe.” I nodded towards Theron and Tamlen.

Tamlen smirked, he looked like he was restraining himself from commenting, but the Keeper picked up on it. “I appreciate it Ellana, though it seems Tamlen thinks it a hollow promise.” The Keeper gave Tamlen a ‘calling-your-shit’ look that he caved under. He brushed a hand against the back of his neck awkwardly.  

“Maybe when you return, you’ll have changed his mind,” she added.  

I laughed at that. “I certainly hope so.” If I hadn’t it would probably mean that I also hadn’t been able to control my magic.

She smiled at me then, and it was a kind smile. I could see that she regretted me leaving, and somehow that made it easier to say goodbye. If things went well, I might really have a home here.

“Dareth shiral, Keeper. Ma serannas.”

She looked pleasantly surprised at my use of Elven and stepped forward to give me a parting hug. “Dareth shiral, da’len.” She pulled away then. “It is best you be off soon, before the sun rises. You have a long journey ahead.”

I nodded before looking to Theron. I kind of assumed he was our de facto leader, especially since I knew nothing about the Brecilian. “Which way are we headed first?” I asked.

He chuckled, but didn’t answer me. My brows furrowed. He wasn’t expecting me to know, right?

“Over here, to say goodbye, I should hope.” Variel said after a moment, as if it were obvious, from where she stood with the rest of our send-off party. My eyes widened a little. I’d thought they’d just been there for Theron and Tamlen.

I hurried past Theron to them. “Oh, yes, sorry. I didn’t realize-“

“Right, right, whatever,” Variel replied as she put an arm around me. “You aren’t getting off that easily.”

I laughed. “ _Dareth shiral_ , Variel.” I made sure to emphasize the formality of the parting phrase.

She smiled in response and let go of me. “There you go, not so hard, huh?”

I rolled my eyes.

Then I turned to others, addressing Ashalle and Paivel first. “Dareth shiral to you as well, Hahren, and thank you for allowing me this chance.”

“We wish you the best of luck,” Ashalle replied. It was probably more for Theron’s sake, but I was grateful nonetheless. I couldn’t really be mad at the Hahren for sending me away, nervous as I was about it. They had their clan to protect. I could respect that.

I thanked Ashalle before turning to Maren and Fenarel. “And you, I hope you both fare well.” Then I addressed them all, “Thank you, all of you, for being so kind to me.”

“You are one of the People,” Paivel interjected. “We are sorry to see you go, but we gladly anticipate your return.”

I really hoped he meant that.

Maren spoke then before an awkward silence could stretch between us all. “Numin’s being throwing a fit this morning, Lana. I think he knows you’re leaving.”

I glanced over to the Halla pen, but I couldn’t see Numin right away.

“He’s sulking,” she added, and I could almost hear a laugh in her voice.

I tried to imagine a Halla sulking, but I couldn’t. I just started picturing Numin as a cat. “I’ll go say goodbye then,” I replied, trying to hold back a laugh from my amusing mental picture, and glad to excuse myself from the center of attention.

Maren smiled. “Thank you. He’d be insufferable otherwise.” Yeah, he sounded like a cat. 

I shook my head with a smile before leaving the group to head over the Halla pen. They went back to talking as I left.

* * *

Numin was nowhere in sight, so I walked over to another Halla that I’d befriended during my visits into the pen. “Revas, have you seen Numin?” I asked.

I wasn’t actually sure how much language halla could understand, but they seemed pretty intelligent. Maybe they had a similar background to Mabari or something, magical intelligence.

Revas snorted, and I could’ve sworn it was her version of a laugh, before shifting her head and pointing her antlers towards the farthest edge of the pen. It extended a far way into the trees, and as I looked I could just make out a form in the darkness. It was a good thing their coats were so pearly white.

“Ma serannas, Revas,” I said.

She snuffed at me right as I started to move and I laughed before turning back to her and scratching the fur under her chin.

She seemed appeased at that, so I made my way into the trees.

“Numin?” I called out.

There was no response until I called a second time and got a decidedly annoyed huff in return.

I smiled to myself as I approached his form. “Numin. Please?” I made sure to use my sweetest voice, and I received another huff.

He was hidden mostly behind a large pine and wouldn’t look at me even as I came into his field of vision.

“I don’t want to leave, Numin,” I said, hoping it may placate him. It didn’t. He turned his head farther in the other direction. “Okay, now you’re just being mean.”

He snorted indignantly.

“Is that a ‘leave now, mortal’ snort, or a ‘give me a good rubbing and all will be amended’ snort? You really need to learn to differentiate.”

He didn’t seem amused.

I decided that it was probably the latter, so that’s just what I did. He only protested slightly as I reached out for him, but I could tell it was mostly just pretense.

I smoothed the fur behind his ears, running my fingers through it, and his protests gave a bit. “Yeah that’s what I thought, you silly beast.”

He huffed, but allowed me to continue. I crouched in front of him and scratched under his chin with my other hand. I could tell he was trying not to show me that he enjoyed it, and I laughed. “You’re so stubborn.” He gave me a look that said that much was obvious. “Look, I’m sorry I have to leave. I really don’t want to, but it’s for the safety of the clan as a whole. That’s more important than me.”

He seemed to understand. His gaze softened, and he nuzzled into my touch.

“Yeah, I’ll miss you too,” I sighed. I looked back towards where the others were waiting. I couldn’t see them in the darkness, but I could feel the looming expectation of it all. Maybe it was all just hitting me now.

I was going to meet Flemeth.

I was going to meet Mythal.

That was…a lot to process. There were so many implications of what this meeting could mean, but my mind wouldn’t still long enough for me to seek them out and piece everything together. I had no plan.

“You don’t want to go in my stead, do you?” I joked. If halla could roll their eyes, I’m pretty sure he would’ve. The temporary tenderness was gone in a heartbeat, replaced by his normal blasé attitude. He nudged my hand again, this time more forcefully, and motioned towards the center of camp with his antlers.

“Oh? Now you want me to leave?” I asked.

He huffed, and inclined his head to me. Whether as a ‘yes’ or as a ‘goodbye’ I wasn’t sure.

I sighed and stood up slowly from my crouched place in front of him.

“Alright then, but don’t be mad at me for being gone for a month.”

I frowned. It probably would be longer than that, wouldn’t it? It was a month in travel time alone. I sighed and shook my head before pulling myself away from Numin. “See you in a while, buddy.”

* * *

We left camp before any more of the clan had risen.

Before long the aravels behind us were swallowed up by fog, and our path lay before us.

None of us spoke, and it was quiet for a time.

The silence was only broken by my muffled footsteps and the occasional call of a bird somewhere in the distance, but still even those sounds seemed hushed and removed. The quiet was made peaceful, instead of eerie, by the surrounding fog.

I’d always loved fog in the morning, almost as much as rain, it left me contemplative. The way it curled around your fingers, left droplets on your skin. How everything was made muted and otherworldly by its presence.

The forest was so lovely. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d walked through one on Earth. I’d expected to tire of it here, but even after weeks in residence I wasn’t deterred. It was nice in the dark just before dawn. The day seemed so close and yet so far. I wondered how long it would be until this too was a memory.

It wasn’t long before more calls filled the air. Chirps, whistles, and tweets. They seemed to greet each other and weave music through the air. 

I jumped a little as a loud caw of a crow sounded close to my head, and Theron reached out a hand to still me. I held back a laugh at myself and shook off his concern.

We went back to walking.

I lost track of time until the first rays of light began to filter in through the fog. At first, it was difficult to tell where they came from by the way they refracted in the misty air, but before long the light was everywhere and the fog had started to diminish. The forest came to life around us as twilight gave way to dawn.  

By that time I already felt the beginning of an ache in my legs. It was going to be a long day.

We didn’t stop for longer than a few minutes until around noon, and then it was only long enough to eat some dried rations we had brought and to remark upon the journey so far. Theron was optimistic that we would be able to cover quite a bit of ground before nightfall.

We would be following the river until we reached the Brecilian Passage at which point we would have to cross it to get to the Wilds. It was mostly wetlands from there, so we’d follow the outskirts for a bit before delving in further. Hopefully finding Asha’bellanar herself wouldn’t be too difficult at that point.

Theron was curious as to the properties of the Keeper’s ring, but he wasn’t banking on it. On top of that, we were heading into Chasind territory, so we would have to be careful.

Once we’d gone over the rough plan and finished our pseudo-meal, we set back to walking.

The next time we stopped was to fill our waterskins a few hours later. Then, when it started to get dark, we stopped to set up camp.

Setting up camp was actually a lot less difficult than I had made it out to be in my head. Not that I had thought it would be awful, but I had a habit of severely underestimating my abilities.

We worked together to gather wood for a fire first. Then Tamlen went about getting it set up as Theron and I set up our tents. Theron and Tamlen had opted to share a tent to save time, and with only two to set up it was over in no time. They weren’t fancy, but better than nothing if it decided to rain during the night.

Once the campsite was done, Theron and Tamlen went off further into the forest to hunt.

I was left alone in camp, ostensibly to watch – guard - but it became boring rather quickly. I decided the next night that I’d see what I could do to make myself useful.  

When they returned, sometime later, Theron showed me how to skin and clean the hares they had killed before cooking them over the fire. It was gross, but not nearly as bad as I had expected. Still, it was definitely something I’d take a while to get used to.

After we ate we sat around the dying fire talking for a bit, and we set up watches. I offered to take the first one. I was tired from the day of walking, but waking up early was possibly my least favorite thing in the world, so I’d deal. Theron was apprehensive of letting me take a shift at all, but I assured him that it would be fine and I’d wake them both quickly if anything were to happen. I wouldn’t try anything involving magic, and no, my health would not be affected by my staying up an extra three hours.

He gave in after that and taught me how to tell when the three hours would be up. I’d be watching the stars that we could see from beneath the canopy (they weren’t totally obscured since we had camped close enough to the river). The constellation he had me track was Elgar’nan’s sun against their Southern Star. It was weird to see because for the first time I realized that I didn’t recognize any constellations in the sky. No Big Dipper, no Cassiopeia, no Orion.

But then I looked closer.

There was something off about the stars, but no, they were the same as they were on Earth. Almost. Weren’t they?

Elgar’nan’s sun, I looked at the stars of it individually and I realized part of it made up Cassiopeia. But the stars surrounding it were much brighter than any I’d seen around that constellation before. The five stars of Cassiopeia though, they were the brightest.

That was…weird.

I looked around the snippet of sky that I could see, looking for another constellation I recognized, but I couldn’t find any. I’d have to look again when we were out of the forest.

As it was I spent the three hours watching the stars and wondering at the weird coincidence. That couldn’t possibly mean that whatever planet Thedas was on was in the Milky Way, could it? Or someplace where the constellation would still play out the same?

With these questions, the night passed quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Da'len = Endearment, "child" or "little one."  
> Dareth Shiral = Safe journey; goodbye  
> Ma Serannas = Thank you   
> Numin = Tears  
> Revas = Freedom
> 
> If you haven't, you should check out the tumblr I made for this story (and any other DA fanfic I do if I decide to do more). You can find it @faded--for-her! 
> 
> Thank you guys again for your lovely comments, kudos, and bookmarks! I appreciate you all so much!  
> More Fade time next chapter :D


	11. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Eleven

When I opened my eyes I was bathed in a strange light. There was no ground beneath me, and the air around me was swathed in shadow. The light was coming from tiny pinpricks that spread out before my eyes. They hung in the air in random patterns, making up a honeycomb pattern the farther out I looked. As I focused on them they became brighter until I could see there had to be millions.

I reached out towards the nearest one only for it to sputter out before I could touch it. As I pulled my hand away, though, it sparked back to life.

I looked closer to see that it wasn’t just a white light, but instead a swirling mass of colors almost too bright to see, and it was centered around a small glowing sphere.

It was a galaxy.

My eyes lit up with that revelation.

The Fade had given me the universe. It must’ve known I’d been thinking of the stars before I had fallen asleep.

It had been so long since I’d visited here consciously that I almost had forgotten how it felt. I wondered if I was too far away from Curiosity to find me. I knew it would love to see this.

Almost as if on cue I felt a rippling in the Fade around me.

I looked around me in search of the familiar glowing figure of Curiosity, but was met with something else.

I couldn’t see them clearly at first, obscured by the galaxies as they were, but then they moved. Their gait was like a cat, stalking, graceful. With each languid step they were brought closer to me, but I could get no read on them. They weren’t a spirit, or at least not one like Curiosity and Remembrance.

“No more despair, I see.” The words crawled up my spine and sent shivers through me, but I wasn’t even sure if the figure had opened their mouth. There was something familiar there, like churning waves, but I couldn’t place it. I shook off the feeling and took a closer look at my new guest.

They had long curling hair that blended with the shadow. It was almost amorphous, which I assumed was a characteristic more of the Fade then of the visitor. Their eyes glinted strangely, sitting beneath a heavy brow, but I couldn’t make out the color. Their skin shifted through different shades before settling on a warm brown, almost as dark as the shadows of their hair. The features of their face were hard to make out, but I got the distinct impression of androgynous angles and a hooked nose as they continued to move closer.

I took a step forward without thinking, and a smile curled on their face in response.

After several long moments, I found my voice and spoke up, “Who are you?”

Their expression gave for only a moment before they laughed. The sound was thrilling, and a bit surprised. They opened their mouth to speak. “You may call me Banal’ras.”

I raised an eyebrow as I caught the translation. “Shadow? You want me to call you shadow?” I caught myself. “I mean it’s pretty appropriate all things considered, but that’s not a real name, is it?” The way his clothes seemed to blend into the space around him, the way his edges blurred as if he weren’t completely there; it was very fitting.

My reaction seemed to amuse him, but he did not laugh again. “Would Ras suit better? If you don’t already know me, it will hardly matter.”

“Alright, Ras then.” I frowned. “Why are you here?” It seemed an abrupt question to ask a creature?, spirit?, person?, that seemed the living embodiment of shadow, but I almost felt like he wanted me to ask.  

My shadow monster took this line of questioning in stride. “Should you not decide that yourself?”

My brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”

“You speak so freely with me. Is it because you believe me real?” he asked.

I frowned. “Well, you don’t seem like other spirits I’ve met. They also didn’t give me names like Shadow. That doesn’t mean much all things considered, I guess.”

He smirked at this. “Yes, quite adept you are. Though, what is to say I am not a demon of Pride praying on your naïve assumptions?”

“You’d come ruin my night just to do so?” I asked. It seemed I couldn’t help being cheeky in the face of the unknown. I motioned to the galaxy in front of me. “I really wanted to spend it looking at these.” He didn’t seem like a Pride demon, but to be fair I’d never met one. Spirits felt different though. Not _less_ exactly, but not so conflicting in their resonance as he.

“Well, you know Pride. Never content.” I frowned at his comment but simply nodded my head. The words seemed strange on his tongue.

“Just tell me if you plan on stealing my body. Until then, may I?” I asked, referring to our surroundings. It didn’t get past me that he’d completely deflected my original question, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t get anywhere if I pushed it.

He seemed to hold back a chuckle at my request, nodding in turn. “Be my guest.”

I turned from him to take a look at the universe that surrounded us. I wondered where the Milky Way was, or even Andromeda. I started to walk aimlessly, and I could feel his gaze on the back of my neck.  

I brushed my hands through the bright swirls as I went. This time, they didn’t spark out. Instead, they followed my fingers in trails before falling away and spiraling back to their place.

I could make out more details as I watched them. The supermassive black holes at the centers looked so strange, though I supposed a black hole _would_ look strange considering I’d never seen a real one before. Not that this was real, of course, but surely it was based on reality?

It was funny, I’d never thought of what galaxy Thedas must exist in, if it were real. _Is it real?_ I was here, after all, and I had yet to wake up. But I was still on the fence about what all of this was.

“You seem rather taken with them.” I jumped at the voice. I’d almost forgotten the presence of my visitor. Who were they? I did have a visitor, right?

I turned towards the sound and saw the figure still standing where I’d left him. It took me a moment to recall the name. Banal’ras. How had I forgotten so quickly? Maybe shadow was more accurate than I’d given credit for. “Do you know where we are?” I didn’t see why he would, but I still felt the need to ask.

I felt, more than heard, his answer. “Yes.”

“Would you tell me?” I asked as I cast a glance over the galaxies closest to me.

“The Fade. Clearly.” His face was still mostly obscured, but I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I resisted the childish urge to roll my eyes. “Also, _clearly_ not what I was asking.”

“You failed to specify.”

“Well, considering we are in the Fade. I would think it would be more obvious what I _meant_ ,” I fired back.

“Which would be a fantastic point, were it true,” he responded. My brows furrowed in confusion. Remembrance and Curiosity had been able to basically read my thoughts.

“But the spirits…”

“Ah, yes, but do I seem a spirit to you?” he asked.

I shook my head on impulse. “You’re far too aggravating.” But also easily forgettable. That was like Cole, wasn’t it? _He_ was a spirit. Banal’ras was clearly not Compassion, but wasn’t it possible that he was something more complex?

He smiled, but it seemed less that I was amusing him and more that he was…getting what he wanted? It wasn’t an unkind smile, but it was unnerving.

“Well, if you aren’t going to help me, or tell me who you are, you might as well leave,” I snapped.

“Yes, I believe you’re right.” His eyes trained on mine, and for a moment I thought I caught a deep green, nearly the same color as my own. “Though, in truth, I came to warn you. Your path may be necessary, but I would advise caution. She knows you.”

My eyes widened and my stomach dropped abruptly. “Wait. How do you…”

He cut me off, but for the first time I could tell his speech was earnest, “Her plans are grand, but they hardly care for you.” He paused, but not long enough for me to respond. “I must leave you, before they catch my scent. Be safe lethallan.” He gave me a quick smile, warmer than those before. “Answers later. Though I’m sure you can find them on your own.”

His shape billowed out, suddenly, until all that was left was shadow, slowly replaced by the glow of galaxies.

I stared at the place he had stood, gaping. 

_What_.

* * *

I spent the rest of my dreaming wandering, leaving behind the universe that the Fade had crafted for me as soon as I regained my composure. It made me uneasy now.

I didn’t run into any spirits other than a few wisps as I left, but that was probably for the best. I was more than a little disoriented.  

I couldn’t stop thinking about that more-than-bizarre encounter. Banal’ras obviously was more than he said he was, but _what_ could he be? How could he know I was traveling to meet Flemeth, and how did he know who I was?

More importantly, if what he said was true, how did Flemeth know who I was so quickly? I’d only been here, what, two weeks. Most of that time I’d had sleeping draughts that had kept me from really dreaming, so she couldn’t have found me there, at least I didn’t think she could.  

And if she knew who I was did that mean she had to do with bringing me here? Would she know what happened or how I could get back? How did I figure this in to my plan to talk to her? What if she wouldn’t help?

This constant confusion was really getting on my nerves. I wanted to scream, to let out all of my frustration.

What was going on? It was like every time I thought I’d gotten all the angles, a new problem arose and with it, more questions. 

I balled my hands into fists and struck out at the nearest object, the ruins of a cobblestone wall that had the consistency of pudding. It made a weird squelching sound and didn’t hurt in the least. I sighed in irritation.

Nothing was what it seemed. Of course it wasn’t. _Why would anything be reasonable? Stupid fucking pudding wall._

I could feel ripples of interest from the peripheral at my outburst, but I didn’t care.

There was heat in the air, and for the moment, that felt great. Searing. Painful. Raw. That was everything.

Because I’d lost everything, everyone, my whole world, and here I was in the damn Fade, something that had always been appealing to me, and I couldn’t even fucking enjoy it.

I struck out again, and this time the wall wasn’t pudding. It was tougher, it was brick, and I _felt_ it, and that meant something.

I screamed out, let the pent-up frustration leave through my lungs.

That was when I heard the whispers.

Angry things, painful things, pulling at me, at the strings.

They wrapped around, heating, molten, lighting the flames.

My lungs felt raw and empty and hot, and I wanted to scream until there was nothing left. 

They wanted me to scream too, to break through the wall, to tear it apart. I wanted to. It would be so easy. To pull everything apart.

This wasn’t the world I wanted. I wanted my home back, and this could never be it. They knew that.

_Destroy it._

_End it._

_You know you can._

I could. I knew I could. In that moment I felt the power, _my_ power, bubbling up in me.

_They’re afraid of you, that’s why they send you away. Unleash it._

I wanted to.

_Destroy them._

I blinked.

No. That wasn’t what I wanted.

Ice washed through my veins in an instant. I felt sick. I turned my head to see the spirit that had oozed into my space. It was red and glowing and angry. It was me, but it was not me. It was too hot.

It was rage, and it pained me. It was grief, suffering, defiance. I wanted to be it, but the thought of the destruction left me empty and cold.

“Why are you so angry?” I asked. It seemed the only thing I could ask. My voice felt fragile, hoarse, on the edge of breaking. My eyes pricked. The spirit was beautiful and that _hurt_. It was familiar, achingly familiar, like a lost friend.  

“It is all I can be,” it replied. I knew it wasn’t lying.

“Thank you.” It held such a burden. I could feel how it burned.

It seemed to understand, but with my sudden anger gone it felt no need to stay.

It left without circumstance, just like that, and I stood there dumbly. I felt weird, out-of-place, or, maybe, more normal than I’d ever felt. 

I really wanted to wake up.

* * *

When I finally heard Tamlen’s voice I was more than relieved. I sat up quickly, rubbing the sleep from eyes. I could still remember my dreams from the night before, but I was more than thankful to finally be awake.

I opened my eyes and went to open the tent flap, but was stopped in my tracks. I wasn’t in my tent.

It felt like I was looking into a fisheye lens.

The world was dark and grey, there was smoke everywhere, distorted in some strange way. I couldn’t see clearly.

There was fire somewhere, wherever the smoke originated, but my attention was drawn away from that as I caught a glance of Tamlen.

At least, he looked like Tamlen. His face was dark with blood and his armor was silver. His expression was warped by pain, and he was yelling.

I saw another person run up to him, but I had no idea who she was. Her face was distorted almost beyond recognition, but I could make out her dark brown skin and her long curly hair, slick to her skin with sweat. She wore heavy armor with some kind of crest.

Were they on a battlefield?

They stood beside an older man. His hair was greyed, and his skin was bronzed and wrinkled. He was trying to get their attention, but it didn’t seem easy.  

There was another girl too, shorter, elven, she was foggier and farther afield, but I knew she was connected to them somehow. Her appearance was really hard to make out. She was more of an impression.   

Everything else made up a dark formless miasma, but it felt like there were thousands of things amassing within it, evil things.

What was going on?

I saw something attack Tamlen. Or more, I felt it, because, whatever it was, I couldn’t see it. He dodged and the heavily armored woman put a sword through its head. They were yelling to each other over the sounds of clanking and death.

I made out something the woman said. One word, Howe, and it clicked. I could see the emblem on her chest clearly then, even through the blood. _That’s Cousland? What?_ _How?_

I heard Tamlen yell something about Theron. Then the elven girl put daggers through a monster sneaking up on him. I could see her a little better, but she was still mostly impressions. Anger, ferocity, pain. Her hair was cut short in messy angles, everything about her was sharp like broken glass.

The older man got their attention then, they argued for a moment, and then the four of them seemed to come to some agreement.

As the darkness approached, they ran.

The Blight? Were they running from the Blight?

* * *

When I opened my eyes again I had to blink several times before I could focus. It felt like there was still smoke in my eyes.

I sat up abruptly and looked around.

Thankfully, I was surrounded by canvas and fur like I had been when I’d fallen asleep.

I heard sounds from outside which meant Theron and Tamlen were already awake. I didn’t want to give myself any time to process my dreams, so I made my way out to them. The forest was beginning to wake up, but it was still relatively dark out. It made it hard to get my bearings as I stood.

Tamlen greeted me with a smile, a “good morning”, and some dry breakfast rations. Seeing him now after seeing him with Cousland gave me an irrational kind of hope. It was just a dream, but it’d been of Ostagar, or at least I assumed it had to be, and he’d been alive and well. That was immensely comforting.

If he noticed my strange mood, he didn’t comment.

Theron was already packing up the rest of the camp and covering up any evidence of our campsite. The fire had long gone cold, but the smell of ash was burned into my memory. I tried to shake it, but I couldn’t.

It was hard to remember the last time a dream had affected me so much.

“So I was talking with Theron,” Tamlen started.

It took me a moment to switch my focus back to him. “About?” I asked, maybe too quickly, as I caught the tail-end of his words.

He made a gesture that had to mean ‘be patient’ or something similar. “I was getting there. Anyway, we think it’d be smart to get you started on archery lessons. At least the basics.”

That wasn’t what I was expecting, especially with the pace Theron wanted to keep, but it helped me push away my distracting thoughts. “Won’t that slow us down?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but we can practice after dinner. You won’t be shooting right away, form is important, so is safety, but if Asha’bellanar doesn’t…well its important stuff for you to know. Definitely not a useless skill.”  

I felt a pull of dread at her name, but the sentiment was kind of him. If I couldn’t return to the clan, he didn’t want me to be defenseless. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” I smiled.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it was partly Theron’s idea. He’s better with a bow then I am.”

He was embarrassed? I wondered why. “Nevertheless. You’ve both been so kind to me.”

“You won’t say that after Theron’s made you pull the string back and hold it fifty times in a row,” he quipped.

I winced. “Are you trying to get me to take it back?”

“Maybe.” He looked utterly too pleased with himself.

“Careful or I’ll know who to use for target practice.”

He gave me a look of mock horror. “You wouldn’t!”

“Apple on your head, like in the…stories.” I almost slipped up and said movies. “I’m not _inhumane_ Tamlen.” I flashed him a winning smile.

“Right, of course not.” He nodded over towards Theron’s general direction. “You know Theron thinks you’re so nice, but me? I know better.”

I tried to keep myself from laughing. “I’m _charming_.”

“Ha! Sure, that’s what you call it.” I could tell he was holding back a grin too.

Our conversation wandered as we went to help Theron with the rest of the camp. I couldn’t help but feel happy that we had this. I had to make sure he lived. He was too good to be tainted, too young, too kind. He deserved so much better. I would fight for that. He _would_ live.

It wasn’t long before we were started on our day’s trek, and those thoughts gave room for others. Theron joined our banter not long after, and I knew it would be a good day.

I was looking forward to that night. I would get to learn something practical and maybe I could forget the rest of my dreams by wearing myself out with archery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Lethallan = Kin
> 
> If any of you guys from the beginning are still reading this, you are literally the best and I am so thankful!!! I really enjoy writing this, and I love seeing all of your kudos, bookmarks, and comments, they warm my heart and make my day!! 
> 
> I've got lots of plans for were this story is going, and I want to stick with it until the end. Thank you for your patience and support!


	12. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Twelve

Turned out, Tamlen had not been kidding about Theron making me hold the bow taut, and unsurprisingly it got old really fast. Of course, we didn’t start with that at first.

No, the first night he tried to get me to _string_ the bow. Something much easier said than done. It was especially difficult with my lack of muscles, and the fact that my arms were usually shaking by the end of the day. I had already known that bows required a lot of strength, but maybe I hadn’t realized just how much strength I had lost. It was beyond frustrating.

Theron didn’t seem surprised, of course. He’d only known me when I was weak and frail. It was dizzying how quickly that had all come about, and dealing with it wasn’t easy.

I don’t think he expected me to be able to string it at all. Not the first time at least. He showed me how to leverage my weight so that it was easier, and the first time I managed it he had me unstring it right away. We spent the rest of the night going over safety and the logistics of both the bow and arrows.

The next few nights we got more into stringing the bow, holding it taut, and doing some other exercises to work on the muscles I would need to be successful.

He also had me start doing some stretches, things I could also take a few minutes to do in the morning and before going to sleep. It helped with the pain of walking all day, and I preferred them to the strength exercises.

Thankfully, there was only so much we could do in the time allotted. He probably had more training exercises up his sleeve, but I was happy not doing them.

After we began, Theron had me take the morning watches so that I wouldn’t fall asleep during mine. Of course, after I did, neither Tamlen nor he actually seemed to wake meup when my watch was set to begin.

I called them out on it, and neither of them denied it, but they also didn’t start waking me up earlier. I couldn’t say I was completely torn up about it, but I decided that I’d make a stronger stance against it once I had managed to recover more strength. For now I would enjoy the rest.  

Banal’ras didn’t appear in any more of my dreams, and I didn’t see my spirits friends either. Instead, I spent my time wandering the Fade and figuring out how to better control my surroundings. I tried to recreate some places from Earth. My home, my apartment at school, parts of my university campus, even my grandma’s house in Florida. Anything that felt familiar.

Dreaming was nice. It was my one place of comfort where, for a few hours, I could forget what was happening in the waking world. Forget that it was any different than dreaming asleep at home, safe in my bed. It didn’t completely work, but not being around anyone conscious did wonders for my ability to delude myself. If I tried hard enough, I could almost make it feel like it really was just a weird dream. At least until a wisp or other spirit drifted into my space.

Of course, my dreams couldn’t last forever.

I kept track in my head, almost religiously, of what day it would be on Earth. It helped me keep a little bit of my sanity. I was going nuts not having a phone to check the time on or pass away my boredom with. The forest was only so interesting.

The longer I was here, the more acutely I missed smaller things. At first it had been the big things, my home, my family, a life where I knew what the fuck was going on at least sometimes, but now I was feeling the loss of specific things.

Like my phone, my xbox, indoor plumbing, deodorant, the ability to listen to music constantly. I even missed the feeling of my clothes. The enchanted clothes were great, and I was lucky to have them, but I really missed the familiarity of my dresses, my flannels, my sweatshirts, my pajama pants, hell even my jeans.

I also missed being able to bathe regularly without it being in a river. I didn’t even want to think about how badly it would suck once I started my period. No Aleve for cramping legs, let alone a cramping uterus. That particular joy was due to start too soon.

Of course, there were things I enjoyed about being here, and about traveling. I had fun talking with the guys every day. It was interesting to learn more about them, and it was nice to have people to talk to that I could just joke around with.

So even though I was uncomfortable, at least I had them. They helped me where they could, too. Not that they realized just how out of my element I was, but they were both caring people and were willing to lend me a hand. 

In their company, the days passed quickly enough.

* * *

It was around October second when we found the Brecilian passage, and the fourth when we finally reached the edge of the Wilds. It had been over a week since we left.

As we had been traveling along the river, before the Passage, we’d inevitably come upon the White River Bannorn. It had been the only time we’d run into trouble since we’d left. It had reminded me how alone the three of us were.

We’d awoken one morning to the sounds of men. Several men, too close for comfort. Theron had been on watch and had gotten us to pack up as quickly as possible, but we’d nearly been caught as we covered our tracks.

He’d told me afterwards what would’ve happened if we’d been caught, and enlightened me as to just what kind of risk we were making coming out here.

If the humans had caught us on their lands, we’d have no protection. They’d take any chance to get rid of Dalish elves. We’d likely be hanged for poaching.

That knowledge was _terrifying_.

Knowing he wasn’t exaggerating made it a hundred times worse.

I missed the safety of clan. Or at least, the perceived safety. I missed the Keeper, she had always seemed to know what to do. She didn’t show how scared she was.

As we continued, I knew the danger would only get worse.

We had only been skimming around human lands in the Brecilian, and we’d nearly gotten caught, but now we would be going into the heart of Chasind territory, and I would bet anything they liked people on their lands about as much as the Bann’s men did.

Thankfully, the ring Theron had put on at the behest of the Keeper actually seemed to be helping some. Once we were across the river, he said he felt some kind of pull. Not strong, but enough to be noticeable. 

I had hoped that was a good sign.

* * *

It turned out that was the ring was more than just a good sign.

It led us through the heart of the marshes, instead of around like we planned, but each time we saw so much as a sign of Chasind, the ring would pull Theron strongly in a different direction, and we would evade them. For how things were going, I would’ve thought the marshes deserted.

Finding food and clean water became gradually more difficult the further we went into the marshier areas, but we managed. There was more to eat in a marsh than I realized, and we made well enough with foraging.

It was only three days later, October seventh, that we found Asha’bellanar. Or more, that she found us.

We were getting ready to camp the third day, on the largest patch of not-as-mushy-as-the-rest ground that we could find, when Tamlen caught our attention.

“Move away from the water, slowly.” His voice was low, but he was close enough that I could hear him. It came out of nowhere, but I complied and inched slowly towards Tamlen.

Theron seemed to have caught sight of whatever Tamlen had seen, but as I looked towards the water I didn’t see anything through the grasses at its edge.

Then I saw it. A bump just above the surface, hard to see in the failing evening light, but unmistakable. It raised its snout and I could see its teeth gleaming.  

Tamlen grabbed my hand, and I realized that I’d stopped moving.

“It’s a crocodile,” I whispered, confused. There shouldn’t be any crocodiles here, should there? Ferelden was too cold for them; it was freezing here.

Tamlen pulled on my hand, but I didn’t budge. “Whatever it is, it has teeth and is looking at us like we’re its next meal,” he said.

“It shouldn’t be here,” I replied.

“No, _we_ shouldn’t be here. Come on, Ellana,” Tamlen pulled again, but I couldn’t move. The crocodile was staring at me, and I was frozen under its gaze.

Its eyes were yellow. But not a normal crocodile yellow. They were illuminated strangely in the low light to the point where they looked almost…gold.

“Theron,” I still couldn’t turn my head, but I heard him acknowledge me from where he stood to my right, bow in hand. “What’s the ring feel like right now.” It couldn’t possibly be her, could it? My blood went cold as I became even more sure.

He was quiet for a moment before he asked, “That’s not an actual _krok-a-diel_ , is it?” I realized he’d said crocodile in English and my brows furrowed in confusion. But, wait, no, hadn’t he said it all in English?

I shook the weird feeling that settled over me. “I don’t think so.”

Tamlen seemed to be getting impatient. “What are you—“

He was cut off as it began to move out of the water, vertically. Its shape started to change, the scales fading away, and the body elongating and shifting until a woman stood at the edge of the water. Her silver hair was pulled back in complicated braids, and the rags she wore looked very similar to the scales she’d worn only moments ago.

Her face though, that was what shocked me. She looked like my memory in the flesh.

“Creators!” Tamlen squeezed my hand hard.

She cackled in response.

“What a welcome.” Hearing her voice was even more disorienting than seeing her. She sounded exactly like Kate Mulgrew. Everyone else I’d heard, Marethari, Tamlen, Merrill had sounded similar to their in-game versions, yet slightly different. But not her. _That’s fucking Janeway_.

“You’re Asha’bellanar?” Theron was the first one to speak. He didn’t seem as shocked as Tamlen or I, and I had to hope he was just really good at hiding it. Because, how even? How was he calm about this?

She smiled in response to his question, and the calculating edge was so _Flemeth_ that I nearly balked. “And you were a good choice for my ring indeed.” She turned her golden eyes to me then, though she addressed all three of us. “So you have arrived at last. You took longer than expected.”

“You expected us?” Tamlen asked. He seemed to not like that idea.

“Perhaps, or perhaps it was the Wilds themselves. It has been too long since a visitor has found these lands.” She shrugged. “But you are not here to listen to an old woman speak?”

There was an awkward pause, and silence, before Theron responded. “We are here because of Ellana’s magic.” I realized he had been waiting for me to say it, but for some reason I couldn’t speak. I felt like I was just watching all of this taking place. I couldn’t be a part of it.

“And may I assume that you, young man, are not Ellana?” she asked. Theron shook his head, and Flemeth raised an eyebrow at me.

Her expectant look prompted me to move. I stepped forward, without thinking. “I am. I’m Ellana.” Maybe it was Banal’ras’ warning, but I could tell she already knew that. She _did_ know me. Unless I was just losing my mind, which honestly didn’t sound far off from the truth. 

She gave me an appraising look. “Yes.” Then her eyes moved to Theron and I felt a weight lift from my chest. “It will be dark soon, and you do not wish to stay out in the open.” It wasn’t a question; it was a beckoning.

* * *

As we followed her through the wilds, I couldn’t help but shiver. And not from the chill.

The farther we went, the more eerie it all felt.

Trees were sparse in the wetland, but the ones that did litter the path were tall and willowy with moss that hung down and dangled just above us. Their branches were like skeletal arms, waving in the wind as they grasped for the sky. I was more than aware that actual bones were hanging from some of them, more frequent the farther we traveled, though I tried to ignore them.

The land itself was soggy and moist and I was glad my boots were so well-made. The way the land sloped away into the fog gave it a confusing labyrinthian feel; it felt like we could get lost and never be found again with even one wrong turn.

The most disturbing part, though, was the near silence. The only sounds, aside from the ever-present song of magic, came from the bones rattling against the swaying branches of the skeletal trees, and it didn’t sit right. Where were the animal noises?

I could tell Theron and Tamlen were bothered as well, though they said nothing. Theron probably thought it would be best to not reveal any weaknesses, whereas I was pretty sure Tamlen was just as scared shitless as me.

The only thing that comforted me was the fact that the veil really was thin here. The song wasn’t exactly louder, like I had expected, but instead it almost felt like it was _closer_. We hadn’t crossed any tears in the veil, but I could tell that the farther into the Wilds we went, the closer we got to the Fade. If I focused, I could almost make out wisp-like shapes flitting to and fro as we walked. It was no wonder Flemeth lived here, it must’ve reminded her of home.

It wasn’t long before we reached a cluster of trees that felt decidedly unnatural. Past them, a small shack sat nestled on a dryer section of land. Its walls looked like they had settled, been repaired, and been added to numerous times. Ramshackle was a good descriptor.

“Ah, my humble abode,” Flemeth said as we approached it. She cast a look around, and seemed to settle her gaze on a tree for a moment before adding, “Come, we should speak inside. Lest the shadows hear our whisperings.” Something about the way she said it made me think she was alluding to something specific, but I wasn’t sure what.

Theron and Tamlen moved to follow us into the hut, but she stopped them before they reached the door. “If I am not mistaken, you both wear the marks of Dirthamen.” I looked closer at their Vallaslin as she said it. The patterns were different, but I could see the similarities. I wondered how I hadn’t realized that before.

Tamlen gave Theron a look, but he didn’t return it, instead he kept Flemeth’s gaze and nodded. “Yes.”

“Then perhaps you understand the value of knowledge.” She smiled at them; it wasn’t the kindest thing. “Go and collect us firewood, and I will share some over stew.” It was undeniably a dismissal. Tamlen looked like he was about to argue, but Theron put his hand on his arm in a calming gesture.

He didn’t look happy at Theron holding him back. “Ellana, you’ll be alright?” he asked, catching my eye.

I nodded. “Don’t worry.”

Flemeth watched us with what could only be amusement. “The things lurking in these marshes are far more dangerous than my _hut_ , boy. Do be careful.” Then crossed through the doorway.

I gave Tamlen and Theron a reassuring smile, nervous as I was, before entering behind her and closing the door.

The inside of her hut was small and cramped, but there was a fireplace, and it was marginally dryer than the marsh outside, so I welcomed it. Morrigan was nowhere in sight, and I wanted to ask after her, but I resisted the urge. I hadn’t even thought about her until we arrived, but now that I did, I felt a bit nervous about actually meeting her.

“So, you have come about your magic.” Flemeth caught my attention; she had been watching me as I looked about the hut. The way she looked at me, and the way she spoke, conveyed a familiarity that was unnerving.

I nodded and took a step away from the door. “Yes, it was the Keeper’s hope that you could teach me how to control it.” I didn’t add that it was my only chance, or that I didn’t know how to control it because it was completely new. She probably knew both of those things anyway.

“Your keeper does not rely on Hope alone. Nor should you,” she replied. She gave me a scrutinizing look for a moment, then added, “It is always best to doubt oneself, is it not?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “I’m pretty good in the doubting myself department, but what does that have to do with hope?”

“Everything.” She moved to sit in one of the two chairs nestled up beside the fireplace, and motioned for me to sit in the one opposite her before adding, “Some hope is misplaced.”

I frowned as I took my seat. “Are you saying you can’t help me then?” I hadn’t expected her answer to be a flat out no.

She shook her head. “I can only help once you doubt. Are you here because you hope for control? Or for peace? Be wary, they are often mistaken for each other.”

“When I said control, all I meant was—“ I started, but she cut me off with a wave of her hand.

“Intentions are often well-aimed.” Her tone had lost any trace of the cryptic-old-lady-nonsense-speak it had had outside. “Tell me, child, why have you truly visited me?”

I had a feeling that straight-up honesty was the only way to go about this, or at least as near as I could get. It wasn’t appealing at all, but I didn’t have all the pieces to this game, so I had no idea how to play it.

I sighed and folded my hands in lap, shifting my gaze away from her intense eyes. “I’ve nearly ripped open the veil twice within the last few weeks, and I can’t figure out how to stop it. I need help so that I don’t hurt anyone. My options were come to you, or leave the clan.”

“There seems to be an easy solution,” she said.

I shook my head. “I can’t just leave. If I ran into any templars…well…” I looked back up then; I needed her to see my eyes, to see how much this meant to me. “I couldn’t _survive_ tranquility. Please, you have to understand. I need your help, Flemeth, you’re my only hope.” 

She was quiet a moment, considering, before she raised an eyebrow. “Flemeth?”

I swallowed. _Shit_. “You’re a witch of the wilds, aren’t you? I’ve heard the stories, I thought…”

“That every old woman is one and the same?” She laughed, and the distant woman from outside was back in place. “Worry not. I will help you, _after_ you’ve assured your friends that you have not been harmed by me, that is.”

I was startled as the door opened at that moment, and Tamlen and Theron entered carrying wood for the fire. Both of them looked relieved to see me in one piece, though Theron was subtler about it.

“Do not worry, I have not added your friend to the pot just yet.” Flemeth said as they stacked the wood in the corner. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Maybe it was the nerves.

 _I think she just said yes?_ I could feel as the stress that had been bundled up until now took that moment to unfurl and leave me feeling a little off-center. I felt like I was about to cry from relief, but I held it in.

I looked back to Flemeth as she began to stir the pot that had been simmering as we talked. “When do we start?” I asked.

She laughed, and it was the strange prickling sound as before. “How eager you are. We may start in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:  
> Banal'ras = Shadow
> 
> So I've been working on behind-the-scenes stuff, and I've decided there will likely be eight parts to this monster. 
> 
> This first part will probably have around 15-20 chapters in all. So we should have somewhere in the range of 3 - 8 more chapters left! I know it's a pretty wide range, but I write these things one at a time, so it's a safer estimate. 
> 
> The second part before Origins is going to be a year later, most likely, and will have to do more with Lana integrating into the clan. (It'll probably be much shorter than this part). Also, I don't know if I ever specified, but it isn't really a spoiler, so if you're curious it's currently 9:26 Dragon in the story, and in the second part it will be sometime between 9:27 and 9:29.
> 
> The eight parts should go:  
> Tel'na Revas - Pre-blight (w/ Flemeth)  
> Aram Lethavir - Pre-blight (w/ Clan Sabrae)  
> Hanal'ghilan - Origins  
> Lathbora Viran - DA2  
> Lothlenan'as - Post-DA2  
> Melana Nehn - Inquisition  
> Ghilel Nevinen - Post-Inquisition  
> Tel'enfenim - Trespasser
> 
> Thank you again for all the wonderful comments, kudos, and bookmarks. You guys are absolutely the best and I appreciate every one of you.


	13. Tel'na Revas: Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: I've updated chapters 1-12. Most of the edits are minor, and they mainly revolve around tone shifts. (I didn't like how I portrayed Ellana and the Dalish.) I've also added in Elven translations. All of them are based off of my own version of Elven that I've been working on. It's not totally canon-compliant, but it's pretty close. 
> 
> Recap: Last chapter, the three reached the Wilds and Flemeth found them. They traveled with her to her hut, and are currently staying there.

When Flemeth said morning, she apparently meant the “ass crack of dawn”.

We left the hut before Theron and Tamlen had awoken. The fog out in the marsh was thick, and it was still dark, but she didn’t seem bothered. She beckoned for me to follow her without a word.

We walked for several minutes before I began to see shapes in the fog, shapes that were larger and bulkier than those of the trees.

It wasn’t until we followed a path close to one of the shapes that I figured out what they were. I traced my fingers across one as we walked flush between it and a pair of pines, and felt engraved patterns in the side of what felt like stone.

Going off my knowledge of Origins, the only stone structures in the Wilds were Imperium ruins.

The ruins became more frequent as we traveled through the marsh, as did the trees, so I guessed we were heading north. That meant the three of us must’ve reached her from the south. It seemed to check out with my mental map.

I wondered how far the ruins of Ostagar were, and if Flemeth knew anything of the Blight to come. I still didn’t know how long we had. Of course, the fact that there had been no hint of darkspawn or rumor of darkspawn meant that it was unlikely to already be 9:30 dragon, but I wondered how much earlier it could be.

Theron and Tamlen were both at least my age, and they’d only been early twenties or so in Origins, right? Merrill was younger than I remembered her being in DAO, but there’d never been a set age for her anyway, as far as I recalled.  

I pushed away those thoughts as we came to a stop at the foot of a set of stairs that were swallowed up by the fog halfway up.

There was something strange about the air. It felt dampened, but not in the physical sense. It wasn’t just the fog. It was like it was quieter, more grounded, somehow.

It took me a minute to realize why.

“You feel it, do you not?” Flemeth questioned.

I nodded, and tried to strain my ears, but no matter what I did it felt so quiet. The whispering song of magic was muted somehow. It was still there, barely, but it was far away, and in its place was a different noise, something low, like a hum, rich and melodic but nothing like the magic I had grown used to. “What is it? Where did the magic go?” I asked.

She cackled. “It is not _gone_ , child.” She shook her head as if she was particularly amused, though I wasn’t sure why, and then she motioned for me to follow her up the stairs. “Come, see, and you will understand.”

I frowned, but followed her. The stairs led up to a small circular platform, but it was too dark to see if there was anything else nearby. I was about to ask Flemeth where we were going when she stepped forward onto the platform…

…and disappeared before my eyes.

My jaw dropped. “What the—“

I heard Flemeth’s amused chuckle as if she were standing right in front of me. “I did not think you would be stopped by a simple ward.”

Realization clicked in my head and I stepped forward, onto the platform. As I did, walls rose up around me and suddenly I could see Flemeth again. I looked around in awe as I saw that we were standing within a mostly-intact tower.

“How is this possible?” I checked the wall closest to me to see if it was actually there and felt the cold stone under my fingers. It was completely solid. “Is this why the magic sounds distant?”  

Flemeth shook her head with a wry grin. “Tis’ but a simple spell. Come, we are not yet at our destination.” She ushered me forward through the tower to a door opposite to the staircase. There were runes running along the frame. They glowed brighter as we reached them, then suddenly flared a bright blue as Flemeth pressed her hand to the door.

I winced at the sudden light, but it faded just as quickly as it had lit up. After a second, the door swung open and I followed Flemeth blindly into the room beyond.

It took a second for my eyes to adjust, but once they did I saw that the inside looked to be the same architecture as the tower. It was a relatively small chamber, though there were doors branching off from it. I wondered just how ‘simple’ the cloaking spell was if it could hide a structure as large as this one must be.

The walls inside were more intact than the outer tower, and they boasted tall arches and columns that soared above my head.

It was dark save for two torches, one on either side of us, that glowed a bright turquoise. _Veilfire._ The way the flames flickered made them seem as if they were slightly removed from the rest of the room; they moved too slowly, like they were suspended outside of time.

In the center of the chamber was a pedestal. It was oddly organic and looked almost like stone twining up in the shape of branches, or maybe upside-down roots. It glowed a faint blue, which on closer inspection seemed to be from runes similar to those on the chamber’s door.

On it, a small object sat encased in silver tendrils. It looked like a piece of a geode. Its outer layer was mostly smooth and the shade of sand. The inside, on the other hand, was bursting with colors.

As we walked up to it I got a better look. There was a rim of silvery blue along the edge, and then a center teeming with iridescent crystalline structures. The edges were clear cut in a way that suggested it belonged to something larger.

But that wasn’t the most interesting part.

I could _feel_ the magic in it, strange as it was, and I knew without a doubt that it was the source of the bizarre humming. It was much louder here, with each step towards the crystal. “This is it. I can feel it.” I said, though I had no idea what it actually was, or why we needed it.

Flemeth nodded. “Good. This would not work otherwise.”

I gave her a questioning look, but she shook her head and took a step forward, up to the pedestal. She traced her finger along the silver tendrils holding the geode in place -- though I noted that she was careful not to touch the geode itself -- and with a crescendo of song they relinquished their hold and unfurled, readjusting into the body of pedestal. “Go on, we will see if you can wield it.”

I reached out to it with my right hand, but paused before touching it. My brow furrowed. “So, I just pick it up then?” I felt a coil of anxiety in my stomach; there was something uneasy about it.

“Unless you have found a better way, I daresay that is your only option, girl.” I couldn’t tell whether she was amused, exasperated, or angered. Maybe she was all three. _Damn that poker face_.

I took a steadying breath before moving to pick it up.

The second my skin touched it I felt a flare of energy. I let out a cry of surprise as the energy surged out of the crystals, reacting to my own magic, and seizing my arm in a bright golden light. I nearly dropped in fear, but the energy quickly leveled out and embraced me.

It felt warm and familiar, and the music of it changed as it connected with me. The low hum was still there, beneath it all, mixing in with the familiar soft notes of my own magic. The richness of the hum complimented the sweetness of the song. They intertwined with one another, and within them I could feel power brimming.

Still, there was something about it that felt controlled, grounded. It didn’t feel as overwhelming as reaching beyond the veil.

As my awe settled I looked over to where Flemeth stood. “What is this?” I asked.

“A piece. A shard.” She paused, as if in contemplation. “A part of something greater. What it is matters not, but what is _does_ , now that is important. So long as you keep this, you will not be flooded by your magic again.”

Then she raised her hand, palm up, and the silver tendrils that had curled around the pedestal rose into the air and surrounded my hand. I unfurled my fingers almost instinctually, and the tendrils moved in to wrap around the crystal. They twisted and curled around until they had encased the crystal in a knot fixture. Then two of the pieces coiled together to create a long band of woven silver that settled on my hand.

“Wear it close to your heart.” 

I hesitated for only a moment before slipping the silver thread over my head and tucking the geode under my dress. It settled like a crescent moon on my breastbone, and I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

“It will take some time before your magics completely align,” Flemeth said.

I looked back to her. “How does it work?”

“Well,” she mocked. “Fortunately for you.”

I held her gaze. “Surely you can give me a better explanation than that?”

She chuckled. “Oh yes, surely I could, but it would not change what is true.”

“And what is that?”

“That we are not here to settle your curiosity.” The dismissal felt like a slap, and my jaw tightened. She didn’t miss it. “Now, if you are done with your questions, girl, I suggest we start with the basics.”

I wanted to make some smart retort, but I help my tongue.

She studied me for a moment, waiting for me to give, and when I didn’t, she added, “Elemental magics are easiest.”

“Here?”

She gave me a smirk. “Yes, here.”

When she didn’t make any move to show me something, I asked. “So, ice or something like that?”

“Ice would be rather apropos.” There was a glimmer in her eye.

“Right, and how do I…” I prompted.

“How do you think, dear girl? Ice is cold, is it not?” Her stare was unnerving.

“Well, I’ve never…”

She cut me off. “ _Bah_ , it is not so difficult.”

I frowned. “But, I’ve never done this! I don’t know how.”

“Keeper Marethari sent you, did she not?” I nodded, so she continued. “She would not have sent me a complete fool, so stop your whining and prove her right.”

Anger flared up in my chest, but I bit back whatever retort I could’ve made. Fighting with Flemeth was probably the path to taking the place of the bones littering the trees. The thought alone made me shiver.

I sighed and pushed my irritation aside as best I could. Fire felt more appropriate at the moment, but she wanted ice, so damned if I wasn’t going to give her ice.

It helped my concentration when I closed my eyes, so I did. I breathed in deeply and listened for the veil as I had each time before.

Except this time, there was another player at work. The veil wasn’t drawn to my aura. Instead, it was drawn to the geode sitting at my breast. It was like it had some kind of attractive force, or some field of singing energy all its own.

The harmony wasn’t complete though, it was like a fragment. Just enough to redirect the magic, but not enough to do much else. I could feel that as I reached out my magic, it easily connected with that of the geode before moving further to connect to the veil.

The feeling was much different than before. As I pulled on the magic it felt centered; it focused through the crystals before it passed to me.

I nearly balked as the overwhelming feeling from my other tries _didn’t_ return. I felt brighter, but in a more constructive way. It felt like potential energy, like something I could mold, manipulate, and use.

I opened my eyes, but didn’t look to Flemeth. Instead I raised my hand, palm up, and willed the energy to pass from my core to my hand.

As I felt it gathering, I imagined the coldest feelings that I could remember. The few winters where there’d been enough snow to play in, dunking my hand in ice water the one time I’d burned my finger, the time I’d had to run to class in the freezing rain. It wasn’t even that difficult to imagine; my hands always felt like ice. I pictured the numb, almost burning, feeling of it, the shivering, the color and consistency of snow.

Then I focused each of those feelings through the magic in my hand, willing it to take shape as I imagined.

I nearly jumped as frost materialized and inched its way across my palm.

It felt so unreal. It was cold, but not in a physical sense, more like it felt like it _could_ be cold. “This is amazing.” I marveled at the way the individual flakes formed on my skin.

They almost had a sentience of their own, spreading across my hand in intricate patterns. As the frost wrapped around my fingers, I turned over my hand to get a better look.

I willed the frost to leap from my hand and into the air and it followed my thoughts. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as it created twisting, curling structures that reached out from my fingertips.

There was still energy built up within me, so I focused it on the frost that had curled out into the air. I pictured icicles and willed the frost to solidify and take shape as I imagined.

I couldn’t help smiling as they took form. There were a bit thin, and blunted at the ends, but undeniably icicles.

As I admired them, the hair on the back of my neck stood up suddenly. I heard a sound come from the doorway, and I froze for a second before adrenaline kicked in. I twirled on instinct, and flung the icicles toward the source with barely a thought.

“ _Fenedhis_!” The loud curse brought me to my senses and my eyes widened as I realized who I had attacked.

“Tamlen!” I stared in shock for a moment before shaking myself and dashing over to where he stood in the doorway. He had a hand clamped over his forearm, but otherwise looked unharmed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was you. I wasn’t even thinking! What are you doing here?”

“Your hunter followed us from the hut,” Flemeth explained.

I turned my head to look at her. “Wait you knew? Why didn’t you—“ I sighed in exasperation and looked back to Tamlen. “I hurt you, didn’t I? Let me see.” I put my hand on his where he was holding his arm and he obliged.

As he moved his hand he spoke, “I saw her leading you away. Theron was still asleep, so I followed. And then you _disappeared_.” He glared at the witch behind me before shifting his gaze back to my face.

I was focused on his arm. There was a long cut where the icicle had grazed him, thankfully it was only the one.

“How valiant of you, to make sure I did not lead your friend off to her death.” Flemeth scoffed.

Tamlen said something back, but his voice fell away from me. There was something nagging at my memory, a familiar feeling, like I’d seen this before. I put my hands on either side of the cut and focused on the feeling.

It was just beyond my thoughts, urging me to do _something_. A tugging in my breastbone. The song filled my mind as I focused my energy on Tamlen, and willed the magic to follow the familiar path.

“Ellana, _banal’hanis_ , what are you _doing_?” I blinked and the world crashed into focus around me again.

“What?” I asked, in a daze. Tamlen was speechless; his eyes were wide, and he was staring at his arm.

I looked back down from his face to look at the cut, and was shocked to see that it had mostly healed. Thin tendrils of golden light were sewing the flesh back together, and in a moment they finished and melted away into the air. “I…”

“How did you do that? And what does _lethavir_ mean?” he asked. He gently dislodged my hands and pulled his arm to his chest, then ran his other hand over where the cut had been. “It didn’t even leave a scar.”

I turned my hands over searchingly, but found no answers. “What? I…I don’t know. That wasn’t me…” I looked between Flemeth and him in confusion.  

“Twas not I, child.” She regarded me for a moment. “Though, it is not impossible that the shard holds memories from its last owner.”

“You’re telling me the crystal…I really did that? The crystal made me do that?” I asked, bewildered.

Tamlen looked just as confused as me. “Wait, that thing you got from the pedestal? What is it?”

“You saw that?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, I saw that strange light.”

“It did not make you do anything. Did you not want to heal your friend?” Flemeth asked, stopping our chatter short.

“Well I just…” I wasn’t sure. I hadn’t _tried_ to heal him.

“It didn’t look purposeful to me. You kinda just zoned out for a minute. It was like you weren’t even there,” Tamlen interrupted.

I sighed and rubbed my temple with one hand. “Just. Just hold on a second.” I pulled the geode out from my dress to look at it, and to my surprise it was glowing a faint gold. I looked over to Flemeth. “Please, just tell me, what is this thing? Is it safe?”

“Is anything safe?” she answered. “It is an improvement on your previous condition, is it not?”

“Yeah, if I can _control_ it,” I grumbled.

She raised an eyebrow. “So we are back to this? I thought you more intelligent, girl.”

I frowned, and tried and failed to hold back a rush of irritation. “I’m just sick of nothing making any sense!” I could feel prickling in my eyes. _Shit. Fuck. God. Not this again._

“Then it is indeed a miracle you’ve made it this far,” she replied. “This world rarely makes sense. It would be best to learn that now.” Her tone was chastising, but there was something else, something softer. Maybe it was the way she was looking at me, almost with sympathy. Whatever it was, it was what I needed.

I took a moment to collect myself, and breathed in deeply. I counted to five and exhaled. “You’re right. _Ir abelas_.” 

Beside me, Tamlen let out a shaky laugh. “Well, thank Mythal for that. Thought we’d be toast for sure.”

I looked over to him with a questioning look and he put up his hands. “Right, I’ll just…be quiet, while you two work it out.”

Flemeth let out a hearty laugh. “Dear boy, if I wanted to hurt you, you would not be standing here.”

“Is that supposed to be reassuring?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Little in this world is. You may as well take it to be so.”

They settled into an uneasy quiet, waiting for me to say something. I sighed and hung my head. “I don’t really know what I’m getting into here.”

“I suspect that is the truest thing you have said so far.” Her voice was full of mirth, as if my confession amused her, and honestly I wasn’t surprised.

“Or, perhaps, it is the least true thing you have said.” My head snapped up at her tone. The look she gave me was knowing and it sent a shiver down my spine. “ _Thenera'ta mythevien_.” Her words were barely audible, like a hiss, but somehow I caught them.

_Dreams…hold truth?_

It took me looking to see if Tamlen had heard to realize that he had stepped outside of the chamber. As soon as I knew he was out of ear-shot, my gaze darted back to Flemeth. “What did you say?”

I could tell from the moment she opened her mouth to speak that she wasn’t going to be frank with me. “You seemed capable enough to find your way here. That does not speak of one that has no idea what they are doing.”

I frowned.

“You are looking for reassurance, yet I can give you none.” She folded her arms. “None save teaching you what I can; the more you know, the less hold the memories will have on you.”

I stared at her for a moment, disbelieving. It seemed Banal’ras hadn’t been kidding. She knew more than she let on. I shifted my gaze away from her, and my eyes caught the glow slowly fading from the crystal. “More ice, and less amnesiac healing then?” I asked.

She gave me a long look before nodding, and we took up our practice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven:   
> Banal'hanis = Equivalent to "what in the hell" or "what the hell"  
> Banal'ras = Shadow  
> Fenedhis = Wolf shit, a curse  
> Ir Abelas = I'm sorry
> 
> In the previous chapter's end notes, before I updated it, I said that this part of the story takes place in 9:28 Dragon, but I've amended that to be 9:26 Dragon. 
> 
> We have somewhere in the range of 2-7 more chapters left of this section of the story!
> 
> And in case you missed it (because I can't remember what was in the end notes pre-edit last chapter) there will be 8 parts to this story, and they'll be as follows:  
> Tel'na Revas - Pre-blight (w/ Flemeth)  
> Aram Lethavir - Pre-blight (w/ Clan Sabrae)  
> Hanal'ghilan - Origins  
> Lathbora Viran - DA2  
> Lothlenan'as - Post-DA2  
> Melana Nehn - Inquisition  
> Ghilel Nevinen - Post-Inquisition  
> Tel'enfenim - Trespasser  
> [Of course, any of this may change, but this is the current plan]
> 
> As always, thank you for your the wonderful comments, kudos, and bookmarks!!!! I appreciate every single one!


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